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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2004-11-15 12:34 PM

In an age past
the grey came

   She raged then in her bed
white licking foam tumbled
madness against tender flats
while she roared
        insane in passing
till only these
          the mottled grey bones
stuck in piles a
        jumbled mass chaotic
to snag any who passed with
  un-jointed fingers to rake furrows
leaving scars...
      she knew would not completely heal

though time
            passed

and she
returned to lie shallow
   hurriedly moving on
      no left or right glance
at what she'd been
             or left behind

except for night

and the deep holes she hid

where current lied about their strengths
and she would pause in slow sink
  remembering how it was then

when she was filled
   with wild rushing runnels of him
only to whisper
             fey murmurings of soul
and wonder
         how it would ever end

yet now blue now lies quiet

though in spring she raged once more
against the bleached white bones of sycamore
tumbling old giants to her bed
      where they drowned in her foam
then broke
            to grasp with hard broken nails
against her walls

  and came the fall
when she clear eyed peered
to the bottom of deep wells
  where skeletons remained
now woven into the mud she owned
from fields furrowed too late for grass

  and laughed

           soft deep throat gurgling
at her own blind ways

I listened
    holding my breath that she not hear
me exhale my own passionate feel

  as I remembered her skin warm
when my feet tangled against those remains
trapping me as only she could
    between water
                and stone
till I begged not drown when she covered me

and wondered if my own would lie there
   beneath the depths of her
      had I raged against the hold

or simply forgotten how to breathe
       as I felt the love I had for her
and knew
          it had no end

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2004-11-15 12:44 PM

Wow! There are times (like now), when I would like to be a river. Such good writing!

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

2 posted 2004-11-15 12:50 PM

Is it little wonder then, why, or how the notion of "river" becomes metaphor?

Nope, didn't think so. lol

You wrote cinematography here.

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

3 posted 2004-11-15 01:11 PM

I don't believe there is one line as I could point out as good, as each one delivered better then the last and on and on
Marvelous writing

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2004-11-15 01:29 PM

Stunning imagery Captain!
You know and navigate this river well.
Much enjoyed the read.
Hugs~

~ Time has cast a spell on you,
So you won't ever forget me ~

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2004-11-15 01:33 PM

when she was filled
   with wild rushing runnels of him
only to whisper
             fey murmurings of soul
and wonder
         how it would ever end

~*~

Using favorite words of mine will only
get me to call this a

Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen? Keeping in mind, I must stand close...and keep my promises...

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

6 posted 2004-11-15 02:06 PM

thanks all... for the nice words... this I fear runs a bit prosaic.. and should have been refined before posting...

Ed... no sir... it's no wonder... never was... I've touched both

babygirlwlove
Senior Member

since 2004-10-10

Posts 1180
New York City

7 posted 2004-11-15 02:15 PM

and should have been refined before posting...

nahhhhh, chief...best served raw...keeps the integrity of the piece...whole....

love your fathoms...
**babyblu**

**Intoxicant to the SouL**

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

8 posted 2004-11-15 02:20 PM

what you have done with imagery and personif in this is awe inspiring--
poetry--absolute...
outstanding............
me thinks you were a riverboat paddlewheel in another life LOL

I listened
    holding my breath that she not hear
me exhale my own passionate feel

  as I remembered her skin warm
when my feet tangled against those remains
trapping me as only she could
    between water
                and stone
till I begged not drown when she covered me

and wondered if my own would lie there
   beneath the depths of her
      had I raged against the hold

or simply forgotten how to breathe
       as I felt the love I had for her
and knew
          it had no end

she is your finest muse my gifted friend.

when you walked into the room it felt like time was standing still.
and I felt fascination...then my heart gave me away.

glass tiger

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

9 posted 2004-11-15 02:35 PM

Absolutely magnificent Sir, you had me spinning with the rush of you.

Maree

into this night i wonder, it's morning that i dread, another day of knowing of, the path i fear to tread.
~Sarah McLachlan~

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

10 posted 2004-11-15 02:40 PM

Ah, you capture soul in your words and life in your verse - a river through your eyes is as a goddess -

love the pictures JM added -

This is absolutely stunning -

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

11 posted 2004-11-15 07:41 PM

Oh, Jesus this is beautiful, Ron.
and reminds me of places I have been:

no left or right glance
at what she'd been
or left behind

except for night

and the deep holes she hid

and places I still need to be.

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

12 posted 2004-11-15 09:14 PM

Ron,

This is some mighty fine writing. Great imagery and your readers flow right along with this.

Hope all is well with you!

Corinne

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

13 posted 2004-11-15 10:48 PM

She raged then in her bed
white licking foam tumbled
madness against tender flats
while she roared
        insane in passing
till only these
          the mottled grey bones
stuck in piles a
        jumbled mass chaotic
to snag any who passed with
  un-jointed fingers to rake furrows
leaving scars...
      she knew would not completely heal

though time
            passed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Often times I see myself in your words, and just want to kick myself in the rear end.  It's bittersweet when looking back, but like you said, time passes, and there is nothing I can do about it.

My best to you cpat~ and I'm sorry it's not much!

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