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Open Poetry #34
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JL
Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128
Texas, USA

0 posted 2004-11-09 06:16 PM


Death Does Not Live Here

Gray wolves are nipping at my heels.
My mind rolling through a valley of dark hills…

The fields’ a ‘shamble lost to their frills.
Ghosts are haunting, and screaming loud shrills…

Every road I approach has a fork, of which one I pray to fulfill
an end to this dizzying driving rain, and bone-freezing chill…

Frantically racing toward a sunrise, staying clear the foothills,
where the wolves live and thrive, and buzzards sharpen their skill…

Adrenalin flowing freely and tingling the bottom of my feet,
as her shadow covers me with an icy sheet…

I’m free of movement and soon fall prey,
sleep creeps past me as I slip to dismay…

As my eyes strain not to close
No strength to oppose…

Slipping the fray
I Drift away…

Drifting,
drifting
away.

© Copyright 2004 JL - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2004-11-09 07:37 PM


I like the way the words themselves seemed to drift away off the page, matching the thoughts.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2004-11-09 08:16 PM



A dizzy top...
JL, a very good write!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
3 posted 2004-11-09 09:50 PM


awesome format and theme!
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

4 posted 2004-11-10 10:29 AM


beatifully written my poet friend.
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2004-11-10 03:32 PM


JL~
This is REALLY GOOD~

I am sooooooooo laughing at your Constructive Critique message~
LOVE IT !
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
6 posted 2004-11-10 08:23 PM


Oh, I promise you that my critique is not going to hurt you! lol

In fact, it might even put a smile on your face! ~ I thought it was terrific! ~ in thought and form!

Now please excuse me, I have the need to close my eyes and just drift away...


EA

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