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Open Poetry #34
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Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095


0 posted 2004-11-05 07:09 PM



in the grey of this metamorphic friday


i would have, you know?
let you take my hand and drag me
into the rain

i could see it in your eyes
how much you wanted to
as i held them there for a moment
in the grey of this metamorphic friday

how much did we need to be cleansed, ended up
how much did we want to be cleansed

and that alone

held us grounded in the clap of thunder
and the passing of the heaviness of air
between us



into this night i wonder, it's morning that i dread, another day of knowing of, the path i fear to tread.
~Sarah McLachlan~


[This message has been edited by Dark Angel (11-05-2004 10:40 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 Dark Angel - All Rights Reserved
eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
1 posted 2004-11-05 07:11 PM


" held them there for a moment in
the grey of this metamorphic friday"

absoutly genius, this line was...wow...this line was so good it makes me want to write a poem around this one idea, so much thought in this line, i love it!

Awake through motion with curiosity to curtain your first move
Over arms length they'll break protocol
Jealous envy for the youngest one

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
2 posted 2004-11-05 07:24 PM


Maree

The difference between need and want, can indeed stop time.  Loved this!  

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
3 posted 2004-11-05 07:43 PM


cool piece
jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
4 posted 2004-11-05 08:16 PM


I would have opened this piece just to read the title again...now I'll open it again ...just to read the write again...thoroughly enjoyed and love the picture....fits.

jwesley

ice
Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404
Pennsylvania
5 posted 2004-11-06 04:50 AM


D.A.

The title is excellent...the changing of one thing into another is evident in the poem, something will happen past the last line of this poem, the reader is well aware of that....How the caterpillar was born is also on the mind of this reader, and by what parents was it bred? Perhaps it is about an argument or other sin that the two desire to turn into a butterfly...Perhaps the pupea has died in the chrysalis...and will never fly...Perhaps a second title could be called Metaphoric Friday...

Great job, the poem has stirred my thought, like all good poetry does..
--------ice/ford
  ><>

Come read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling
And banish the thoughts of day.
Longfellow

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2004-11-06 07:29 AM



Sometimes needful
tangles with wanting
and if you are with
the right someone,
you have thrilling...

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
7 posted 2004-11-06 01:37 PM


Do you have any idea just how good your poetry really is?  
James_A_Fraser
Senior Member
since 2003-09-03
Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines
8 posted 2004-11-06 01:39 PM


I love the scent of lightning....and of lightening.... may it always be so with you.



~~J

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
9 posted 2004-11-06 02:09 PM


Sharon I keep telling her but does anybody listen to me? no...pblllt
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
10 posted 2004-11-06 02:12 PM


Could see this as if it was a movie .... a glance saying so much.
Excellent!
Love, Margherita

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
11 posted 2004-11-06 03:56 PM


This was as refreshing as a summer shower, or as comforting as sitting by a fire in driving winter rain.

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

12 posted 2004-11-07 02:48 PM


Thanks everyone, It pleases me that you all enjoy and well it's raining again today...this time I'm not at work so perhaps, this time I should seriously consider playing in the rain

The only thing is though, I'd be in it alone.

all and thank you.

Mxx

muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
13 posted 2004-11-07 08:17 PM


*cold shivver* right through me...
must have touched that part of me i dont often aknowledge

Very nice, and keeping this


littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
14 posted 2004-11-08 07:08 PM


but to be within that heaviness . . .

This reminded me of watching s storm come across the water before it hits you . . . you know?  That excitement of knowing that danger . . . beautiful Maree  

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