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Open Poetry #34
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DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917


0 posted 2004-10-30 03:55 PM


Autumn night
Clean night
Quiet night

Frisky night
Love of night
Autumn night

Sleep tight
Feel right
Autumn Night

Teaching a darken room
On air
To love at first sight

Warming ideas
Over closeness
To ferment

Ideas cold
In a body
Snuggling

Into birth
In Summer's
Hot

Your eyes
Feel
Real

Two nights
As the stars
Crystal

Asthetic
Shepherded
Mars

Quick Riposte
For senses
From afar

Dancing
On different world
Streams of hair

You served
Jupiter
In Solar winds

Sparkling patterns
For my treat
Written

To a cold soul
By a cold soul
To warm

Fisherman
On cold seas
Seeking



© Copyright 2004 Dave Page - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2004-10-31 07:01 AM


Dave, I enjoyed your "Autumn night".
Great write!
Love, Margherita

DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

2 posted 2004-10-31 03:15 PM


Put the final phrase in for me

Autumn night

Thanks

Dave

ParisGrl
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 610

3 posted 2004-11-01 07:27 PM


Dave,

Great Poem.  :-)

~Laura~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2004-11-01 09:02 PM


a kind of bouncy feeling, a little frisky,
and then the last verse...well...that brought a sigh

DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

5 posted 2004-11-02 02:40 PM


Margherita

I think I am getting old

Dave


ParisGrl
            
Thanks Laura

I will I think make a change to my writing though and spend more time before I put it onto the site.

Often I just select "Post a New" and wait to see what comes out.

Dave

passing shadows

Yes a little frisky and bouncy but I tried to keep it in the main - Spanish Main - possibly.

I wish some times that English humour when we enjoy making fools of ourselves - farce we call it - could travel to the US.

Thoughts on the original and the rewrite were gently making fun in an English way.

Thanks

Dave


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