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Open Poetry #34
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Don_Juan
Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252
Far from where I am going

0 posted 2004-10-30 12:23 PM


Natural Serenade

Train whistles abound
from half way down the track
black smoke flows
in intoxicating rhythms
upward into a suffocating sky

iron upon iron
rings out
in harmony
with whistling melodies
of a natural serenade
flowing trough river veins
and beating in bird hearts

irridescent orange
autumn sheddings
lie suspended
and cradled upon
the back of the wind
carried along the
length of the track
playing as silk strands
across the chest
of a barreling engine

thunder claps
burst forth
in terrifying explosions
shattering harmonious silence
as rain replenishes the earth

Haze lie as nets
obscuring sight
brakes scream sparks
as iron withers
stopping for
an encore
sernade
within the
fog delay

nice use of muffin

© Copyright 2004 John Lervezuk - All Rights Reserved
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
1 posted 2004-10-30 10:09 AM


DJ:
You show a keen eye, and vivid sensuality
as you mix your pallet of colors here...
Yet, observations are different from feelings.  As you become the colors that you paint, the flow of your words will take on the natural rhythm.  Much promise.
TD

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
2 posted 2004-10-30 10:43 AM


irridescent orange
autumn sheddings
lie suspended
and cradled upon
the back of the wind
carried along the
length of the track
playing as silk strands
across the chest
of a barreling engine


Very beautiful scenery, painted with skill!

Love, Margherita

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
3 posted 2004-10-30 11:56 AM


I enjoyed the train ride! ~ and the view! Vivid imagery and a feast for the senses!

A nice piece of writing, D_J!

Love & Light,
EA

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2004-10-30 12:47 PM


what a scene! wow!
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