The Tail of Badger McAdams.

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Open Poetry #34

The Tail of Badger McAdams.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2004-10-28 07:36 PM

The Tail of Badger McAdams. 29/10/04

Badger did as badgers do and bought himself a spade
And all his life as he up grew, he did the spade parade
Until one day whilst feeling blue he took his spading grade
The day approached, the grades were due, he hoped his hard work paid
So that he might one day accrue spade number two and his dreams would thus be made
The day had come, the weeks had flew, his nerves were torn and frayed
He sat down still, the tension grew, the air of happiness decayed
As he read right through the letter that had been too long delayed
Badger’s smile was wrought anew, and his grades were at once betrayed
And all at once we all knew that he passed his spading grade
And outside he flew, into the blue and down by the apples shade
To test out that shiny number two graded digging spade
And there he dug a hole so true, that it’s beauty could never fade
A little hole, a badger hole, a badger hole for two, so Badger and his badger wife could live there unafraid.

I just wrote this and was wondering what you thought, It seems to be quiet forced to me in places, though I had much fun writing it, which is after all the only reason to write. Suggestions/comments would be appreciated.

Andrew

Lost and Found.

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

1 posted 2004-10-28 07:43 PM

I tend to agree with the lines that seem
somewhat forced.  If you read them outloud,
you will see where they falter or fall out
of the flow that you started fairly well with
in the beginning.  I think you are headed
in the right direction,  but I also feel you
should pay more attention to where it
stumbles and then see what you can change
to make the poem flow better.  Overall,
you have a lot of really good ammo to
work with and the internal rhyme helps make
it fun to read.

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