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Open Poetry #34
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you reminded them of funerals
| Open Poetry #34 |
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you reminded them of funerals |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought 
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coffee eyes, mixed with french vanilla tears. and i could never understand how someone so beautiful could be so sad. you would plead like winter... begging to breathe, and i'd always find you huddled in a crowd. you were memorizing faces just to be convincing, but you always laughed a second too late... and no one understood why you reminded them of funerals... why even compassion failed and words collapsed long before they reached you. now, it's hard to see you fading. diminishing, even, as your voice falls short of hope. and i could never understand how someone so beautiful could be so sad. He was a man of sorrows ...I am a girl of tears. |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
What a write! Gads, dear, this is very good! |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
sometime, sad is all people have known? many thoughts to ponder here, not to mention, your always a wonder to read...and a tremendous poet. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
oh  good write |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Alyssa, you are ripening into a very fine and mature poetess! |
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Ericc Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178 |
Wonderful write...very powerful! Eric |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
This is incredible - excellent - filled with emotional tug -  SusanHappiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind. |
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Carol123 New Member
since 2004-10-11
Posts 6 |
Very nice!!! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Beautiful, deep, emotion packed piece! Very much enjoyed. Hugs~ ~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~ |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Decaflame, Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this  and glad you replied...LeeJ, a tremendous poet? Wow. Thank you, but I think you may be stretching it with that. And your probably right... sad is all they've known. It's just so painful to see such hopelessness in them. Thanks for your generous reply. Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Dix,  thank you...Linda, wow, thank you! I know I'm certainly not quite the same poet I was almost 2 years ago when I started posting here. Of course, I had just turned 15 then! It's been a great journey into, uh, poet-hood with people like you cheering me on Thanks again...Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Eric, I always appreciate your words! Thank you much... Susan, glad you think so. It isn't my normal style so it was a bit more difficult for me. Thanks much for your reply... Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Carol, Thank you! Glad you like it! Nancy, that is a huge compliment from someone who's writing I enjoy so much. Thank you Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
ah..well done indeed... you capture here the flavor and the feel so well, it felt as if I was there |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Cpat, I admire your writing so much (don't comment much, but I always read it and study it). I love how you can always take something and give it life without usuing all the standard cliches'... So thank you much for reading. It means a lot. Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Alyssa~ This is so richly done~ The real-people images literally leap off the page~ You ARE poetess~ Hope you've sent this one to our friend Pat ... she will love it too~  *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Marge, you're always just so caring! Thank you for your reply. I really am glad you liked it... it's not my normal style. Pat seemed to enjoy it, too! Thank you again...Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
coffee eyes, mixed with french vanilla tears. and i could never understand how someone so beautiful could be so sad. you would plead like winter... begging to breathe, and i'd always find you huddled in a crowd. you were memorizing faces just to be convincing, but you always laughed a second too late... and no one understood why you reminded them of funerals... why even compassion failed and words collapsed long before they reached you. =================================== this is a very impressive write... youve employed some excellent images, personifications and analogies to create the scene for the reader... coffee eyes, mixed with french vanilla tears. you would plead like winter... begging to breathe, and no one understood why you reminded them of funerals emotionally deep and expressive...and one of the coolest, unique, titles too. Very well done!! Poetry is emotion put into measure. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
JM, thank you! Wow, all these responses from some of my favorite poets is awesome. I'm really glad you liked it. The sad thing is it's true, this person really does remind you of a funeral when you meet him. Such pain and you know there is no way to quench it or take it away. Anyway, again, thank you for reading Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
You are an amazing poet Alyssa... With crisp clean eyes, and such a deep heart. TD |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
TD, Thank you. You're quite an amazing poet yourself... I'm so glad you enjoyed. Thank you Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
omg! this isstunning, amazing, beautiful and all those other adjectives! you ahve some talent girl. such beautiful descriptions and an intense theme. The title just wrapped it all up so so soooo well. cant wait to read more of yours! love and empathy darkness. Sophie nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Alyssa, This was haunting and beautiful. glad I didn't miss it. "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Alyssa, darn this tugs and is filled with such poignancy, but yet is so very beautifully expressed.... we all grow in our poetry over the years of writing, and indeed yes...you too have grown... how very beautiful and touching this is.. The greatest beauty on earth, is |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
you would plead like winter... begging to breathe, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ and no one understood why you reminded them of funerals... why even compassion failed and words collapsed long before they reached you. ===================================== I just love those lines...this is one of those poems that makes me wish I had written it..... I just had to come back to read this one again...it truly is a special high inspire write. Definately a direction to take your poetry. Poetry is emotion put into measure. |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Alyssa, You just keep getting better and better! I've always loved your writing, but this one is the tops! Take care, cathy |
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Trew Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Ottawa, Canada |
Not here often anymore, GG. Work tends to get in the way of creativity. But sometimes the soul needs a little food. I'm glad I chose this one to read today. I like the style of imagery that you use. By no means am I a technical writer, so I won't offer any critique. I do know what I like, however. And this was it. There are thoughts which are prayers. |
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davidmerriman Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123Dallas, TX |
great poem. one of the best i've seen on here, simply because it doesn't fail at anything. |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Interesting read. Well constructed. INclan |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
darkness, Thank you! I'll look for some of your work, too. I'm so honored that you liked it and replied!Susan, and I'm glad you stopped by and I didn't miss you. Thank ya Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Gentle, I wish you all could meet this person. Truly he is poetry. And I don't mean that in any kind of romantic or sappy kind of way... he just has this loneliness about his demeanor that sings a sad, sad song. I'm honored you think I've grown. Thank you! JM, Again!? Wow! Thank you. If you met him I'm certain you'd be able to come up with much better words to describe him. And with the comments I've had on this I guess it is a direction I'll try to continue with. It was fun, too. Definitely harder, but fun... Thank you again Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows ...I am a girl of tears. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Cathy, YAY! I'm glad you got your computer back up and running. Er, you do, right? And thank you for your words, you people are going to make my header bigger than it already is. Now when do I get to read more from you?  Take care...Trew, What a compliment that you chose to read this and liked it. Thank you so much. I hope you can make it back here more often. I'd love to read your writing... Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
david, doesn't fail at anything? Wow, thank you. Of course, I don't believe you... but it's a nice thought Again, thank you...INclan, I'm glad you stopped by... thank you much. Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Good grief girl but that was not only richly constructed but should there be a repeat of a book this year, this HAS to be in it! Excellent work. Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing. |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Hello Alyssa You really poured your heart and soul into this fine piece of writing. Your heart shone throughout. Take care.......Sue I am in motion |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
I read this one the other day and knew I would come back to it. What impressed me the most was your fantastic use of unique and original descriptive lines and phrases. You capture the feel early on and lead the reader on a smooth fluent understanding of where you are coming from and sort of silently reel them into the poem so they can feel it, see it, almost live it. An truely superb piece. Just a few lines I really liked are below but I could almost copy the entire poem. **************** coffee eyes, mixed with french vanilla tears. ********** you would plead like winter... begging to breathe *************** why even compassion failed and words collapsed long before they reached you. ******** Again I say superb. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Mysteria, why you certainly know how to give a compliment, don't you! I never submitted a poem for the last one because (well for one, I didn't think any of my writing was good enough, but anyway) it says you've gotta have permission from a parent and I wasn't about to ask for that. And I have no credit card so I wouldn't even be able to buy it... lol wow, this makes me feel young. Thank you so much for your words though I don't believe this poem or I deserve them... Oh and I love your signature. So true.Sue, Thank you! I definitely meant every word I said in it. I'm so glad you liked it and took the time to read and reply. I love your writing so much. Take care...Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Mark, I had the idea for this one in my head for awhile before I wrote it. But I was stuck on the eyes... he actually has blue/grey eyes and I couldn't for the life of me think of a way to describe them. So I finally decided use a different kind of description with coffee... his eyes are bitter but with a sad, sweet, soft edge. It fits them perfectly, even if they aren't brown. Other then that, this poem wasn't even work. It's just who he is. He is the poetry. I'm so honored that you read and still came back again. Thank you so much for your reply and kind words and all... Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Alyssa, I just thought you should know that Carol123 still quotes this line to me on a regular basis: "coffee eyes, mixed with french vanilla tears." Safe to say she loves it and your writing. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Allssa, Ithough this is sad. it's an absolutely beautiful write. I think it's my favorite of yours. I'm keeping it. Hugs, Ethel |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
you would plead like winter... begging to breathe, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ and no one understood why you reminded them of funerals... why even compassion failed and words collapsed long before they reached you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ saw this one back up and wanted to enjoy its bittersweet beauty again... I once knew someone just like this... he would have loved this poem's honesty. I miss the way he inspired my writing ... I miss him...yet I see him here in your words... and isnt that the real gift of poetry. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Larry, thank you! You're so sweet. Er, as a guy you probably don't like that...so, what I really mean is manly. No, no, not that. Um, rough, rugged ... upredictable ? *sigh* I give up. But you are sweet. lol Thanks, sir.And Carol123, Thank you. My head is getting bigger already. Glad you like it... Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Ethel, I don't think I can even take credit for it. Really! I hardly knew I was writing it until I was done. He made it easy. I just wrote his eyes. thanks so much for your words.JM, Another reply? You're too kind. Thank you. The inspiration really is great to have... I wish it wasn't their pain that gave it that kind of depth though. And yep, that's the gift of poetry and I'm honored to have let you see him again...Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
This is a very mature write. In 5 stanzas the character is sketched, crowd pleasing, social gadfly with tombstones in his/her eyes. We've all known them. Well done. |
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nn Member
since 2000-09-18
Posts 75 |
Beautiful...just beautiful! |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Alyssa, this is quite a write! Young lady, I think you should start sending some of your poems to publishers! This was a very unique description and the feel of your words outlined the character so we could all see. Brava. What a gift you have! .....jo |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
Excellent poetic craft! |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
well done, GG! I'm so glad I got to read this...the last two lines were especially moving |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Wonderful write! ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
I know this is a disgustingly slow response, so I hope you all forgive me and get a chance to read my reply to you... RSWells, Thank you! I suppose the person is different for everyone, but there's always that sad, off-centered quality that makes even looking at them become sorrowful. I'm glad you liked this. nn, you're sweet Thanks much!Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
jo, now, now, it wasn't that good! You're so kind, though. Thank you, and I'm glad you like it and am honored to have revieved your praise like that, but really I just write 'cause I'm bad at journals... lolicebox, Thanks, sir I'm so glad you liked it.Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
J.Samm, Thank you. I remember when I met this person their was something different about him and I knew then that I wanted to get to know him. He was fascinating, and still is... I just wish that the clash of his beauty versus his sadness wasn't a part of that fascination. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Alli, thanks, girl... good to hear from ya Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
I didn't save this before and I should have... "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
this is probably one of the best poems I have ever read..........wow... I know that sadness... |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Oh, Good Lord, this is exquisite writing but it made me all teary eyed. I am beyond words . . . for this |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I don't know how I missed this but it sure would have been my loss. You young lady, are definitely a very fine poetess. The images created leapt off the page. The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all art and science. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Among the kingdom of the winds ... perhaps there is one of elegant mind, who has no need to intrude on the solitude of single things. CB |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
One more spin...  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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El_Campeador Senior Member
since 2003-01-29
Posts 761Ohio, USA |
It's not often that I get a chance to step in here, but this poem made it worth it this morning. Ben |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Susan C, I'm honored! Thank you...jellybeans, I wish so much that this wasn't a sadness you understood.  *hugs* I really do...Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows ...I am a girl of tears. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Sue, Now now, no tears Thank you so much for your reply. The responses I'm getting from this still amaze me. Each one means so much...Mysteria, I've still got a long ways to go. But thank you very much Glad you liked it, and thanks for the reply...Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
JM and Larry, you two are relentless! Maybe a bit delusional as well because I'm not near the writer you two seem to think lol... but I love ya for your insanities. Thank you both so so much. Ben, I hope you can come in more often. I've missed seeing you around these pages. Glad you got to stop by and honored that you enjoyed this...Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Alyssa, And you are adorable! Yup you could be my daughter any day any time for sure. Though I must say I don't remember adoration being called relentless before. And now the truth is out...I adore you, I mean your writing! If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Larry, well we've got no troubles there, because you could be my dad any day any time, as well! Of course, with the way you talk you'll have to deal with your daughter having a big head because you just keep making it bigger and bigger with all the compliments. Not that I'm complaining! You're the best, and thank you. I adore you, I mean your writing, too! God bless you... Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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