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Open Poetry #34
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sacrificial fall
| Open Poetry #34 |
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sacrificial fall |
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Alicia Member
since 2002-03-22
Posts 279
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though i notice the small and sickly fragments of the old, moaning trees begin to spin themselves to the ground, begin to gather in a rage of yellow fire, i must admit my bravery. (or what was there of it at the start). where at first: that wicked bitch crept in and nudged my bare legs with her flirting taunt of arrival - stole the comfort of a skirt in late summer right from under me, insisted slowly that all things would soon pass in sleep. and while i assured you that i was ready fed and strong like a soldier, seething, that this autumn would be easy, that this autumn would be mine, you knew otherwise as you often do. your cool, calloused hands and soft smile curling while you listened with an ear that i'd call careful, while you listened with a tug and a tired roar that i heard crawling cautiously underneath my skin. and perhaps i had reminded you of a dream where you were the last man standing in a forest while an angry, piercing autumn tore down the trees, overturned the earth that housed their roots exposed their naked, withering hearts leaving you breathless and aching. and perhaps too: it wasn't a dream at all but instead an understanding where we could gather the wind in our hands and marvel at it's consistency at it's ability to sweep the years before us and know. and we are not better for this. for understanding. we are not any more alive or connected - and our breath, it is shallow still. our scars are deeper. i watch though, your reaction to my falling or where i am and imagine the wars where you and i (unarmed) hid so well that we survived - found those trees a sacrifice and want to tell you now: that we are all right or will be. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alicia - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
now here is a style and a grace I would imitate..if I could.. well done ma'am.. well done indeed.. "where at first: that wicked bitch crept in and nudged my bare legs with her flirting taunt of arrival - stole the comfort of a skirt in late summer right from under me, insisted slowly that all things would soon pass in sleep. and while i assured you that i was ready fed and strong like a soldier, seething, that this autumn would be easy, that this autumn would be mine, you knew otherwise as you often do." this, in delivery and in imagery alone.. is one of the reasons I read.. damn woman... you do it well. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I loved this entire piece, but these lines here really grabbed me. _________________________________________ and perhaps too: it wasn't a dream at all but instead an understanding where we could gather the wind in our hands and marvel at it's consistency at it's ability to sweep the years before us and know. __________________________________________ very well done! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Donna grabbed the lines I was going to put here... so I will just sit, and nod, and applaud...  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
and perhaps i had reminded you of a dream where you were the last man standing in a forest while an angry, piercing autumn tore down the trees, overturned the earth that housed their roots exposed their naked, withering hearts leaving you breathless and aching. and perhaps too: it wasn't a dream at all but instead an understanding where we could gather the wind in our hands and marvel at it's consistency at it's ability to sweep the years before us and know. and we are not better for this. for understanding. we are not any more alive or connected - and our breath, it is shallow still. our scars are deeper. i watch though, your reaction to my falling or where i am and imagine the wars where you and i (unarmed) hid so well that we survived - found those trees a sacrifice and want to tell you now: that we are all right or will be. ============================ Oh girl...what a treat it is to read you... what an impressive write... a feast for the eyes and tongue... the vocab, the assonance, ya even snuck in some allits in your mastery of word play. I love the theme, your poetic intend, and the way you pulled it all together with the personifications and symbolism that you do so cool and well..and as always your imagery--vivid, sharp, contrasts of the poets vision and emotions. while an angry, piercing autumn tore down the trees, overturned the earth that housed their roots exposed their naked, withering hearts leaving you breathless and aching. wow and whoa!!!  and this part-- but instead an understanding where we could gather the wind in our hands and marvel at it's consistency at it's ability to sweep the years before us and know. and we are not better for this. I wish I had wrote that....absolutely soul beautiful!! And I love the expression and impact of your closing lines. Awesome writing poetess A. Ink runs from the corners of my mouth. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
yeah... what the moth said, and I stuttered trying to... lol |
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soul drifter Senior Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 711Colorado |
One of the best poems I've read in a while, and I've read many incredible ones! This one is an epic...the imagery is staggering.. and everyone knows how I love imagery. Gonna save this one...simply loved it. "Poets are all who love, who feel great truths, and tell them; and the truth of truths is love." --Philip James Bailey |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
god, i love the way you write!  |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Alicia...what the others said...fabulous! Brava! |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
you always excede expectations |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
You simply amaze me lady. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
*sigh* I've been hoping for another treasure from your pen, Alicia. You bring such depth and color to the page, like no one else can. I'll keep and savor this, knowing your posts are usually few and far between. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
This is breathtaking!! Amazing write! One for my library. Hugs~ ~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~ |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
had to come back to this, your words call to mind my favourite poet anna akhmatova with a little margaret atwood mixed in for good measure. that's not to say your styles are the same, only that like them, your words are an incredible balance of melancholy and strength |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Absolutely incredible Alicia, and it is hard to say a thing once our own resident critic JM has been in to read, LOL, don'tca just love her to bits? |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
You're simply amazing, you leave me speechless, you collapse me. Sigh. Alicia. into my library. and I am haunted |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
this was indeed a marvelous write... it took the reader to places we've all been at times...and the ending summed life's purpose up quite well, it's about understanding and caring...giving and receiving, allowing and forgiveness... This was outstanding! |
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Alicia Member
since 2002-03-22
Posts 279 |
 thank you, really, for reading,...for your comments andyes,...uhm, for some of that hidden encouragement and stuff. i'm reading too. ~a. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
came back, to reread ( not the first time) and have to say... where at first: that wicked bitch crept in and nudged my bare legs with her flirting taunt of arrival - stole the comfort of a skirt in late summer right from under me, insisted slowly that all things would soon pass in sleep. and while i assured you that i was ready fed and strong like a soldier, seething, that this autumn would be easy, that this autumn would be mine, you knew otherwise as you often do. your cool, calloused hands and soft smile curling while you listened with an ear that i'd call careful, while you listened with a tug and a tired roar that i heard crawling cautiously underneath my skin damn... |
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