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Open Poetry #34
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serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2004-10-25 12:06 PM


That place was made of splintered planks
I would drink and gaze at them
counting ages in the knots
every ring I downed a shot
tossing gratitude to Rose.

She begged to be an egyptian
in the dark of daytime bar
eyeliner was laid on thick
and she wore this push-up bra.
I know, because I felt her once,
or twice, I played the dark of her.

She'd toss my dollars back at me
begging me to play the box
then she'd lock the doors and smile
as we danced the circles there
mirrored just beneath her eyes--

Rose looked good in rosy light.

We shuffled rainy days away
scratching at each others backs
chalking up the other's cue
she dropped my balls in order - racked

in the glow of five beer lights
and one blinking neon sign
I find myself remembering
the petals of her trembling
just before the fall.

I wish I hadn't torn the lace
of her sacred underneath.

I wish I hadn't wished at all
"counting flowers on the wall"
instead of honesty of eye --

Rose looked good in rosy light.


© Copyright 2004 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
1 posted 2004-10-25 12:39 PM


wow Karen, I think you are writing from a male point of view? it reads  like a story, one in which I could read over and over again....well done indeed!

~~*~~
Read between the lines
look deep into each word
and you will understand the
depth of my soul (GE)
~~**~~

Kaoru
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Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
2 posted 2004-10-25 12:45 PM


This is awesome.
Midnitesun
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since 2001-05-18
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Gaia
3 posted 2004-10-25 12:47 PM


OH MY! a standing ovation my dear.
Both the Capt and Duncan will GLOW when they read this.
THIS is the ultimate.
WOW! can I say that again? WOW WOW WOW!

came back again just to drool a bit
wish I'd written this

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

4 posted 2004-10-25 01:15 AM


Rose looked good in rosy light.

Oh I'm sure she did

A challenge well met indeed m'lady.



Mxx

and I am haunted
by my illicit exquisite dream
but I can't really wake up
so I just drift in between

~ani difranco~

muted
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Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
5 posted 2004-10-25 02:16 AM


oh wonderful *APPLAUSE*

loving this!!

looks like wranx with a smidge of cpat

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
6 posted 2004-10-25 04:25 AM


very cool


littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
7 posted 2004-10-25 07:59 AM


This is SO Ed . . . Karen?  This is lovely . . . what a most beautiful tribute.  I agree with Dawn here, too though.  I see them both.
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
8 posted 2004-10-25 08:30 AM


Okay, so I stink at this game, no big surprise.

I still loved it.

  

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
9 posted 2004-10-25 08:34 AM


serenity,
A vail of introspection, each day you are a rose.

babygirlwlove
Senior Member
since 2004-10-10
Posts 1180
New York City
10 posted 2004-10-25 08:42 AM


wow...astounding imagery...and rhythm...

in awe,
**babygirL**

**Intoxicant to the SouL**

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
11 posted 2004-10-25 08:50 AM


Fantastic Karen..
Gee, I see the Captain...Wranx and Duncan.
I'll be back later for another look-see.
Love ya lady~

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

12 posted 2004-10-25 08:53 AM


whewww, there are no words to describe this materpiece...gripping right to the end...
wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
13 posted 2004-10-25 11:10 AM


Thanks, m'witch. I appreciate it!

I don't see any "me" here, but DO see more than a little Duncpat Hair

(I sometimes think them boys is sharin' a brain, anyway)

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

14 posted 2004-10-25 11:52 AM


ok...I see a bit of both Ron and Dark with maybe a lil Wranx throwed in too?  I know, thats three....
so if I havta pick....I'm going to say Dark...
at any rate, very well done K!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

15 posted 2004-10-25 04:12 PM




I'm afraid my little witch feet couldn't quite fit the shoes of the magnificent yeti.

(er...if yetis wore shoes)



It was fun to try though.

Thanks all for reading, and especially Ed for his gentle grace and humor. I love you all bunches.

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
16 posted 2004-10-25 06:01 PM


Well, m'witch

You'd agree that it's not a thing I'm likely to see...And besides, I've NEVER written this well!

Thank you Karen, I am truly honored!

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
17 posted 2004-10-25 07:05 PM


Wonderful piece here - ah, and I don't have to guess - tee hee

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

Midnitesun
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Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
18 posted 2004-10-25 07:10 PM


LOL, I thought I saw a Wranx in there, but more Duncan than anyone. SHRUGGING
But it is a totally cool righteous write
m'friend and the yeti IS a tough act to follow or copy.

Magnus
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Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
19 posted 2004-10-25 07:12 PM


I see a little bit of Dark in this.  But,
could be wrong.  Well done Ser.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
20 posted 2004-10-25 07:20 PM



Excellent write, serenity...
you kissed so many with this one!

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
21 posted 2004-10-25 07:48 PM


you wrote him beautifully, Karen
Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
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British Columbia, Canada
22 posted 2004-10-26 12:34 PM


Dang, I missed this for crying out loud!  I would have guessed wrong anyway, I would have been sure it was Ron T, after having a beer with the Yeti   or Alicat.
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
23 posted 2004-10-26 12:37 PM


Enjooyed...James
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
24 posted 2005-01-24 03:13 PM



You never cease to amaze me, K...

This is awesome...

"When the power of love overcomes the love
of power the world will know peace."
--Jimi Hendrix

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