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Open Poetry #34
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Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989


0 posted 2004-10-20 11:54 AM


These sullen gray mists
cover my thoughts
this darker repose of nature
comes crawling in
blanketing the hollow cavities
that once bled deep in my chest

warming me in frostbitten angst
to hide my vacancies, the vulnerabilities
where once the wind raped the seethe
this naked belief that I
held no guise
under all those watchful eyes
that traced my decline

descending into this abyss
forlorn, I, this mere mortal
in continual struggle
climbing perfectly polished
walls, alabaster, uncarved
the pristine of what I'll never be

reflecting my imperfections
with audience of critics
blinking my image
deflecting
the bare truth of me

its not always what it seems,

forcing myself, I must believe
in those things inside, I've yet to see;

and reside outside this cavernous thought,
rather than beneath.


{thank you, Dawn for the pleasure.....}


The greatest beauty on earth, is
found in the hearts of those
who love....

© Copyright 2004 dmsmith - All Rights Reserved
babygirlwlove
Senior Member
since 2004-10-10
Posts 1180
New York City
1 posted 2004-10-20 11:55 AM


ooo nice blend of voices...uplifting message...

love&light,
**babygirl**

**Intoxicant to the SouL**

Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
2 posted 2004-10-20 12:05 PM


Ladies~
Take a well-deserved bow~



*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

DavePage
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since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

3 posted 2004-10-20 01:03 PM


Very well written

Dave

MGROVES
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california
4 posted 2004-10-20 02:17 PM


very nice


wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
5 posted 2004-10-20 06:10 PM


October must be "Duet Month"

And here, another fine offering.


Nicely done Donna and Dawnunder!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2004-10-20 06:42 PM


Thank you both
for this mindmeld...

it was difficult to distinguish
who wrote what...
a seamless penning...
a duet of worth!

Thank you!

muted
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since 2004-01-15
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
7 posted 2004-10-20 08:24 PM


thank you so much for the lovely replies...

and Donna, thank YOU...for keeping my muse busy.....
the experience is always a lovely one

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
8 posted 2004-10-20 08:33 PM


Nice blending!  If I hadn't read the title and known it was a duet, I would have believed only one person wrote this! Encore!
Magnus
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since 2001-10-10
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South Carolina, USA
9 posted 2004-10-20 09:02 PM


When two poets write together well,  it
becomes very difficult to discern which is
which.  Such is the case here.  Very nice
collaboration, ladies.

garysgirl
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since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
10 posted 2004-10-20 09:37 PM


Beautiful writing, you two. But
I knew it would be!!
Hugs,
Ethel



Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
11 posted 2004-10-21 12:57 PM


speechless, an unexpected surprise. simply stunning work you two, bows low
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
12 posted 2004-10-21 04:30 AM


"forcing myself, I must believe
in those things inside, I've yet to see"

oh outstanding work you two!!!  


"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

13 posted 2004-10-21 08:05 AM


My thanks to each of you.  Writing this with Dawn was pure enjoyment, she has such talent with words and is a gift.  

Dawn, thank YOU for allowing me to stretch my wings a bit....it felt darn good to do so.  Your incredible lady!  

The greatest beauty on earth, is
found in the hearts of those
who love....

Larry C
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Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
14 posted 2004-10-21 09:13 AM


Donna & Dawn,
Together you have taken flight to a higher place. Wonderful write...

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
15 posted 2004-10-21 12:23 PM


wow
MovesInSilence
Member
since 2004-03-21
Posts 111
Perth, Australia
16 posted 2004-10-22 12:54 PM




I love it when two people work together so well to create something this good.

It's not the blindfold that blinds you,
it's the person that puts it there.

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
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In Your Poetic Mind
17 posted 2004-10-22 12:58 PM


*slapping forehead,* I thought I replied to this.....lovely you two....more more more.....hugsssssx2

~~*~~
Read between the lines
look deep into each word
and you will understand the
depth of my soul (GE)
~~**~~

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
18 posted 2004-10-22 04:21 AM


This is beautiful writing, as it always is, you write beautifully together and it IS such a struggle, isnt it? Being ourselves, rather being true to us.


Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

19 posted 2004-10-24 10:54 AM


My thanks to each of you for such gracious replies.  Dawn truly made this beautiful, and if you ever have the chance to duet with this fantastic lady you are in for a treat.  
Peace to all and hugs.
~D~

The greatest beauty on earth, is
found in the hearts of those
who love....

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

20 posted 2004-10-24 07:32 PM


"the pristine of what I'll never be

reflecting my imperfections
with audience of critics
blinking my image
deflecting
the bare truth of me

its not always what it seems,"

And sometimes it is just what it appears to be--like this.

This is a piece of heart-art.



I loved it.

Midnitesun
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Posts 28647
Gaia
21 posted 2004-10-24 07:37 PM


BRAVA! what a beautiful blending, a harmony of poetic delight!
muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
22 posted 2004-10-24 08:12 PM


to all of you

and double to you Donna

*Alli4000*
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since 2004-03-21
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The World of Poetry
23 posted 2004-10-24 11:46 PM


You two are quite the team.  


~Alli~


*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*   My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

24 posted 2004-10-25 01:27 AM


Oh oh oh! How did I miss this beauty?

Fantabulous work both of you. What a team!

Enjoyed.

Mxx

and I am haunted
by my illicit exquisite dream
but I can't really wake up
so I just drift in between

~ani difranco~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
25 posted 2004-10-25 03:35 AM


Enjoyed...James
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
26 posted 2004-10-25 11:26 AM


Spirit most definitely was not Mute with this fine collaborative poetic offering.

Kudos!

&
Linda

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