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Open Poetry #34
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muted
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since 2004-01-15
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

0 posted 2004-10-20 12:33 PM



Left to grasping the moment
like a broken language
the pieces escaping
in exhale of breath
between silent pauses that  
could not encompass
the traces of truth left
hammered without love

without motions of sound,
the vibration of valleys
and the shudder of glass
from the beating of imagined
wings of muted angels
tarred by night.


suffocating
on feathered intentions
that softly creep onto tongue;
choking out the sound for reprieve
     just for the utterance of a single tear


I exist as nothing within my words

a myth forged,
shaped into hard steps
steep and mangled like winter;
the sleeping smell of flesh
the old stink of perversion
too putrid to spit out...

     too unforgivable to swallow.
`
`
`
`
(an entwined lament between muted and Dark Angel)

© Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
1 posted 2004-10-20 01:30 AM


Good God, this IS BEAUTY:

from the beating of imagined
wings of muted angels
tarred by night.


suffocating
on feathered intentions
that softly creep onto tongue;
choking out the sound for reprieve
     just for the utterance of a single tear


sounds like the both of you . . .
this is amazing, it IS truly the both of you entwined.  How genius!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2004-10-20 03:47 AM


"I exist as nothing within my words"

nodding

That is why I write...

babygirlwlove
Senior Member
since 2004-10-10
Posts 1180
New York City
3 posted 2004-10-20 06:47 AM


"and the shudder of glass
from the beating of imagined
wings of muted angels
tarred by night.


suffocating
on feathered intentions "

simply o u t s t a n d i n g...

**babygirL**

**Intoxicant to the SouL**

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
4 posted 2004-10-20 07:18 AM


Wonderful harmony, really

Such a firm voice from something as small as a tear


Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

5 posted 2004-10-20 07:40 AM


two of my favorites... and in blend they are
rich in metaphor, and imagery, and in heart..

bravo....

bravo

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
6 posted 2004-10-20 07:58 AM


this is passion
the blend of edges
ladys weaving minds
with heart spin

enjoyed it

Greeneyes
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since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
7 posted 2004-10-20 08:53 AM


WOW such an amazing gift you both bring.....true poets...

~~*~~
Read between the lines
look deep into each word
and you will understand the
depth of my soul (GE)
~~**~~

muted
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since 2004-01-15
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
8 posted 2004-10-20 09:43 AM


thanks all of you for those fantastic replies...

and thank you Maria, for your depth and unique imagery....

you are a pleasure

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

9 posted 2004-10-20 09:58 AM


suffocating
on feathered intentions
that softly creep onto tongue;
choking out the sound for reprieve
     just for the utterance of a single tear


I exist as nothing within my words


damn ladies......I believe this is the best duet I have ever seen grace these pages of blue...
BRAVA!

The greatest beauty on earth, is
found in the hearts of those
who love....

muted
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since 2004-01-15
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
10 posted 2004-10-20 09:59 AM


oh Donna,
you just blew me away with that reply...
thank you soooo much

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2004-10-20 10:02 AM


Ok, so duet again...and again, and again...


Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
12 posted 2004-10-20 10:25 AM


This combined effort flows so powerfully down the page that it doesn't appear as an effort at all, but as a power of nature, where thoughts meet and are transformed into words reflecting just one single intent.
Amazing write.
Love, Margherita

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
13 posted 2004-10-20 03:43 PM


I'll come back to this, right now i'm in shock that i wasn't told of this, heads will roll
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

14 posted 2004-10-20 04:34 PM


HEY! Thank you all so very much for your wonderful wonderful replies.
Dawn? thanks m'dear for well even wanting to du-et with me heh. It was all my pleasure. You're amazing.

Bello? we didn't plan it, well we kinda did, but that was like months ago and then well from one moment to the next, it just happened lol.

(Could you make sure my head rolls onto a silver platter pleeeaase)

Mxx


and I am haunted
by my illicit exquisite dream
but I can't really wake up
so I just drift in between

~ani difranco~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
15 posted 2004-10-20 04:48 PM


...

This is outstanding!!!
Hugging you both so tight.

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
16 posted 2004-10-21 01:02 AM


Silver platter? I'll give you a wooden spoon ting ting..ahem.

Well despite being kept out of the loop, dramatic sigh..

I enjoyed the surprise and of course you two already know my thoughts on the two of you together..Not THOSE ones i meant writing, writing.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
17 posted 2004-10-21 04:34 AM


Well done you two!

Very well done.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

18 posted 2004-10-29 02:39 PM


I exist as nothing within my words

a myth forged,
shaped into hard steps
steep and mangled like winter;
the sleeping smell of flesh
the old stink of perversion
too putrid to spit out...

     too unforgivable to swallow.
my my my... I relte to this whole thing all to well I fear..

you've both managed to touch something in me with this...

thank you

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
19 posted 2004-11-02 03:56 AM


Too many great lines to pull a favorite out. You two capture so much with this write. And you defintely meld well, 'cause this is beautiful poetry.

Always, Alyssa

He was a man of sorrows
...I am a girl of tears.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

20 posted 2004-11-03 03:46 PM


had to come back... and let you both know I had been here..lol..

this is truly a very wonderful write...

and you both touch something in me here..so thank you

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
21 posted 2004-11-03 09:31 PM


superb!
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

22 posted 2004-11-03 10:09 PM


Left to grasping the moment
like a broken language
the pieces escaping
in exhale of breath
between silent pauses that  
could not encompass
the traces of truth left
hammered without love

without motions of sound,
the vibration of valleys
and the shudder of glass
from the beating of imagined
wings of muted angels
tarred by night.


suffocating
on feathered intentions
that softly creep onto tongue;
choking out the sound for reprieve
     just for the utterance of a single tear


I exist as nothing within my words

========================================

I could have sworn I replied to this...
but ever the tardy moth...let me now say, outstanding blending of expressions.
excellent writing girlies!!

Poetry is emotion put into measure.
The emotion comes by nature ...
but the measure is acquired by art.

Thomas Hardy


choshi
Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184
New York
23 posted 2004-11-15 05:55 PM


Such a union of words, images and spirit intertwined as one.....Beautiful!

Bravo.....to you both

~P

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

24 posted 2004-11-18 08:47 AM


There have been so many fantastic duets on the boards lately and this...
is definately one of my favorites...

just wanted to breath it in again ladies...
it is superior!

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
25 posted 2004-11-18 11:52 AM


I thought I'd replied to this also.  It's fabulous writing that blended like a smoothy.   to both of you.
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

26 posted 2004-11-18 03:32 PM


Thanks everyone, your replies and comments have been absolutely wonderful, I thank you.

and Dawn Darling? I miss you!

Mxx

into this night i wonder, it's morning that i dread, another day of knowing of, the path i fear to tread.
~Sarah McLachlan~

Kevo
Member
since 2004-06-02
Posts 466
Navarro County, Texas, USA
27 posted 2004-11-18 10:06 PM


Muted & Maree,

No wonder why there were so many posts!  I can't believe I walked away for a bit and missed this slice of Heaven.  This piece of writing really takes the cake.  It is incredibly visual which was incredible based on the content.  It was thoroughly thought provoking and all-enveloping.  It grabbed me by the eyeballs at line 1 and held me there to the last.  Maree, I have been a huge fan of your gifted words for a while.  Muted, I am now a fan of yours.  Your writing is simply superb.  Your talent rivals some of the best I've read.  Both write with such cinematic scope, intellect, and gifted talent that this place would be at a loss without your inspiring presence.  Thanks for posting a piece worthy of gold-lined pages for us all to absorb freely.  It's writing like this that inspires me most and reminds me how lucky I am to among such gifted poets in the confines of these blue pages.  I am completely awe-struck!  

Your humble fellow poet,

Kevin

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