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Open Poetry #33
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muted
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since 2004-01-15
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

0 posted 2004-10-19 01:03 PM



Subtle Pauses
`````````````
I was never strong enough
to hold the slipping silences
or able to steady those moments
between parted lips, where I
imbibed your laughter
and died as I
chased nascence
within your every exhale
sacrificing myself
to awaken lifetimes
as a tremble in your voice.

Too little the strength of will
that brought you to an end
   with torn pages from the book I kept
writing each night of how I wished
the form I held
or the words I might stutter to your eloquence
    would entice you to want
the trace of mind or skin that was mine

and the truth of you
lay in the expanse
                       all this time,
between the lines
feeling your absence on my fingertips
when the words are no longer
what binds me to this flesh,
or exist
in every inflection, an impression
echoed in sighs
leaving my body denied till
truly a more sacred desire is
to be the comma
  and pause one breath from you
before more is spoken.

Perhaps this time
     I can in silence find
less a dirge of unkind
If I should sigh my need
   and drink again
            to trembling days.

`
`
`
(and offering from muted and Cpat Hair)

© Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
1 posted 2004-10-19 01:07 PM


holy crap... more!
babygirlwlove
Senior Member
since 2004-10-10
Posts 1180
New York City
2 posted 2004-10-19 01:25 PM


I'm with Aenimal...encore...!


**babygirL**

**Intoxicant to the SouL**

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
3 posted 2004-10-19 01:30 PM


Awesome duet you two!!
May I be so bold to ask for more..please???
Bravo and hugs to you both~

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

4 posted 2004-10-19 01:37 PM


between the lines
feeling your absence on my fingertips
when the words are no longer
what binds me to this flesh,
or exist
in every inflection, an impression
echoed in sighs
leaving my body denied till
truly a more sacred desire is
to be the comma
  and pause one breath from you
before more is spoken.

Perhaps this time
     I can in silence find
less a dirge of unkind
If I should sigh my need
   and drink again
            to trembling days.

`

and what an offering this is....gawd...
I can say I love this, but even that doesn't do it justice....

BRAVA!!

The greatest beauty on earth, is
found in the hearts of those
who love....

Cpat Hair
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since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

5 posted 2004-10-19 01:51 PM


(chuckling)... the kind words belong to the Muted one... my contributions to this add nothing to her already powerful imagery and delivery... a humbling experience to try and keep up with one who has such talent..
so I add my own
Brava!

to her with the soul.. and the words

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (10-19-2004 03:07 PM).]

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2004-10-19 02:02 PM


and the truth of you
lay in the expanse
                       all this time,
between the lines

~*~

chuckle all you will...

what Raph said.

More.  Please.

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

7 posted 2004-10-19 02:26 PM


wow........best duet I have ever read
Midnitesun
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since 2001-05-18
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Gaia
8 posted 2004-10-19 02:43 PM





WOW! a magical write!
BRAVA AND BRAVO

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
9 posted 2004-10-19 03:25 PM


A perfect blending...

both of you!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

10 posted 2004-10-19 04:26 PM


Oh my, WOW.

Yes yes... what Raph said... pleeeeaassseeee with sugar on top.

Maree

doin the library thingy

Mxx

and I am haunted
by my illicit exquisite dream
but I can't really wake up
so I just drift in between

~ani difranco~

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
11 posted 2004-10-19 04:31 PM


Good God!

Perhaps this time
     I can in silence find
less a dirge of unkind
If I should sigh my need
   and drink again
            to trembling days.


This is a treat . . . what everyone else said  with chocolate.

Beautiful, beautiful writing guys.

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
12 posted 2004-10-19 04:59 PM


enjoyed
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

13 posted 2004-10-19 06:13 PM


sighing...

Do they make satin ink?

They should.

satin ink on sheets of silk

That is how this should be presented.

I am in total awe.

(and muted? next time? can we make a Cpat sandwich? with winks to the Cap)

I exit still applauding.

muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
14 posted 2004-10-20 10:51 AM


oh the pleasures Ron brings to this duet, the sheer amazement of his skill....he knows i think he's incredible..

and for all of you, thank you for you wonderful replies...

and Serenity? LMAO..yeah, we could do the sandwich thing LOL.....
are ya game??

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