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Open Poetry #33
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Jack and Jill
| Open Poetry #33 |
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Jack and Jill |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn 
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The water Was only an excuse for trysting on the rise Overlooking the steeples and the stained glass beneath And ever so closer to Andromeda above So they could express themselves in storybook fashion Cold marble made flesh, then warmed with a promise Making vows in the mud surrounding the well Their bodies, naked, flawless and fevered Striving in the effort to disprove Newton's theories Their songs of conclusion ending in echoes The fall And the tumbling were merely metaphors For the realization that fevered flesh, was flesh no less The mud on their clothing, was what it appeared In the panting disheveled cats-cradle of limbs they weren’t the perfect fiction had they hoped But were, after all, just perfectly human [This message has been edited by wranx (10-16-2004 02:04 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
That's better...thanks Mods! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I'm sure that Newton wasn't always happy that he had been right! Intriguing write, Wranx!  EA |
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babygirlwlove Senior Member
since 2004-10-10
Posts 1180New York City |
The fall And the tumbling were merely metaphors For the realization that fevered flesh, was flesh no less **************** damn that's niiiice. **babygirL** |
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Mary Parry Junior Member
since 2004-10-12
Posts 45Felixstowe, England |
Brilliant! And a vast improvement on the original. Mary |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Living in Sin She thought the studio would keep itself; no dust upon the furniture of love. Half heresy, to wish the taps less vocal, the panes relieved of grime. A plate of pears, a piano with a Persian shawl, a cat stalking the picturesque amusing mouse had risen at his urging. Not that at five each separate stair would writhe under the milkman’s tramp; that morning light so coldly delineate the scraps of last night’s cheese and three sepulchral bottles; that on the kitchen shelf among the saucers a pair of beetle eyes would fix her own— Envoy from some village in the moldings . . . Meanwhile, he, with a yawn, sounded a dozen notes upon the keyboard, declared it out of tune, shrugged at the mirror, rubbed at his beard, went out for cigarettes; while she, jeered by the minor demons, pulled back the sheets and made the bed and found a towel to dust the table-top, and let the coffee-pot boil over on the stove. By evening she was back in love again, though not so wholly but throughout the night she woke sometimes to feel the daylight coming like a relentless milkman up the stairs. Adrienne Rich |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
...so... what does the crown represent? -MVS You CAN make a difference, but first you should learn how: http://educate-yourself.org/intro.shtml |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
I like this - it makes one think  SusanHappiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind. |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
...uh ...wait...which one came down with the quarter? *grin* I like this a lot! Thank you for sharing it. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
wranx Ring around the rosy But the posy is a posy Well done enjoyed. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
In the panting disheveled cats-cradle of limbs they weren’t the perfect fiction had they hoped But were, after all, just perfectly human more friction, less fiction |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Ed, I absolutely LOVED this one! ~tier |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ed Amazing and imaginative..much enjoyed! |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
ROTFL at Raph. Now, what was it I was going to say? Oh yeah, I like tumbling imagery.  |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
You a very naughty man, Ed -- and altogether too good at it! Ed ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
it all comes down to that don't it? awesome dude |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Any poem that pulls brian out of the woodwork is a favorite... now if we can only get Bri to write... soon! |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
and why is it, may I ask? That our themes always seem to over-ride each other when we are miles away? *grin* Keep writing, you have another wasteland here Ed (yup, ya do) |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
If I send you that blanket down, do you promise to sit still at the puter more often and write more of these? I put it into my "show and tell" book sweet Yeti!  |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
lol@Raph... (and I am not surprised) Ed~ Yet another story so well told. You are a master.  "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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