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Open Poetry #33

Seasons Changing

MyHeartofShadows
Member

since 2004-09-04

Posts 88
Hyattsville, MD

0 posted 2004-10-11 09:24 PM

Oh day like today,
With the feel of fall near,
Nearly on the way,
With a well worn jacket
Just enough to cover the chill,
That is before the sun does fill
The sky and day
With warmth.
I have always liked this time of year,
Colors of autumn now here,
Filling then falling from trees
Raked into piles
For children to play
Till the can be bagged
And carried away.
But the children are too old for that
And I look for the rake and find two
One for me
And the other
Well
It will just stay in the shed
This year

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2004-10-11 09:30 PM

"With warmth.
I have always liked this time of year,
Colors of autumn now here,
Filling then falling from trees
Raked into piles
For children to play"

Wonderful warm happy mood...

changing to,

"And I look for the rake and find two
One for me
And the other
Well
It will just stay in the shed
This year"

One of melancholy and sadness...

Extremely well done.
You moved from one mood to another very smoothly.
Something I find difficult to do.
Enjoyed the read.
Hugs~Nancy

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

MyHeartofShadows
Member

since 2004-09-04

Posts 88
Hyattsville, MD

2 posted 2004-10-11 09:35 PM

Thanks Nancy, if it shows me able to move from one to another smoothly, it’s because I took so long to write this. Also, the words don’t reflect well, I’m not nearly that smooth. Thanks for the words, the kindness in them

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

3 posted 2004-10-12 08:43 AM

I think I know what you are saying here.

If I am right then this is a powerful poem for you.

A poem that powerful needs to be rewritten about a dozen times. Dissected then put back together in different ways.

You might be surprised at what it ends up being and finally says to you and everyone.

Please email me if it is OK for me to tell you what I feel in this poem. I really don't think I should in this setting.

Contabo

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