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Open Poetry #33
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Snow
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain

0 posted 2004-10-05 02:17 PM




Jell-o With Fruit_Chunky But Fluid


it wasn't the fire_silk of mirror glass
that tore skin and eyes
lying in a puddle of unspoken
un_shed [in]dependance
nor the seekers tongue of pleasure
amongst phalic_cyberskin undulating in
erotic fashion against the palm of
shadow_names scribed in the flow
her flow
   her words seeping from his throbbing
mind
she didn't notice the vein
pierced, by shameless want, her want
her need
    her ... her ...
she, the name thick on a tongue-walk hidden
but oh! how it refuses the silent nature
of a beast
midnight green, sap filled cavities  
dripping from the selfish need of love, unrequited
but he wears the brick of walls along his spine
his fears, road_signs in the concave thirst he sketches
        on fresh pelt
and she, thick of thought with pen in hand
watches, silent,  on shelves of grey, waiting
  blind to everything ... but
his truth
           it only hurts when she's hidden



©sdt'04

© Copyright 2004 Snow - All Rights Reserved
Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

1 posted 2004-10-05 02:23 PM


dripping from the selfish need of love, unrequited
but he wears the brick of walls along his spine
his fears, road_signs in the concave thirst he sketches
        on fresh pelt

and she, thick of thought with pen in hand
watches, silent,  on shelves of grey, waiting
  blind to everything ... but
his truth
           it only hurts when she's hidden


You do have a way with words, gawd...
the title intrigued me, the poem blew me away!  Excellent work Snow!  

Snow
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain
2 posted 2004-10-05 02:42 PM


=) thank YOU so much!!!


Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
3 posted 2004-10-05 04:57 PM



This is awesome with an attitude.  Now that's a good thing btw.  More than what this one is about, I think I am enjoying what it is not about just as much.  Very full of intrigue and as with all of yours I have read so far, I know I will re-read a few times to even further the possibilities of this piece, but then again, that is one of the pleasures of poetry.
**************************

"it wasn't the fire_silk of mirror glass
that tore skin and eyes
lying in a puddle of unspoken
un_shed [in]dependance"
**************************

THAT is one superb opening and it just gets better after that.

Very much enjoyed.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

4 posted 2004-10-05 05:01 PM


Whoaaaa, picking chin up of da floor.

Bloody fantastic!

I know I'm in for a treat when I read you snow.

Enjoyed!  

cuz fate is not just whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

~ani difranco~

Robert Joseph
Member
since 2000-10-07
Posts 491
South Carolina
5 posted 2004-10-05 05:30 PM


~S~
Dessert, I'm pondering is far from your inspiration. Often as you do, you engage the reader's contemplation.

Robert Joseph

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279

6 posted 2004-10-06 12:34 PM


Hi sweetheart. I love this. It flows so smoothly and each word drips from tip of tongue. You have penned something extraordinary here my love. With the playfulness of an imp you lead the reader down a merry winding path...exposing the truths you'd have noted. Bravo honey! This is my #1 favorite poem of the day.

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

7 posted 2004-10-06 06:19 AM


Writing of extreme beauty, and if i may say so... one done with great skill and intelligence..thank you..

goldenrose.

The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved. Victor Hugo.

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