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Passions in Poetry

The "Perfect" Poem (a poet's lament)

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rascalx
Senior Member
since 08-25-99
Posts 604
Florence, SC, USA


0 posted 10-04-2004 03:03 AM       View Profile for rascalx   Email rascalx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit rascalx's Home Page   View IP for rascalx

v1.
Some poems are forever
although the poets age
Write and the word is written
Then we turn the page

v2.
Some poems take forever
caught between page and pen
Fleeting thoughts only half glimpsed
never to be read again

br.
If I could remember all of my dreams
then maybe I would find
the perfect poem inside of me
to ease my troubled mind

Chorus
The more I write, the more I just feel lonely
Why does it hurt so much when the things I write are true?
Do my words get across
the love and the loss
when you don't really know me?
When all the writing is through
and I've done all I can do
my poems will be my final gift to you
© Copyright 2004 Jeff Osborne - All Rights Reserved
garysgirl
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Member Seraphic
since 09-29-2002
Posts 20064
Florida, USA


1 posted 10-04-2004 03:10 AM       View Profile for garysgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit garysgirl's Home Page   View IP for garysgirl

This is absolutely beautiful, Jeff.
I enjoyed reading it.
Hugs,
Ethel
Larry C
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Member Patricius
since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
United States


2 posted 10-04-2004 03:31 AM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

Gift enough my friend. Peace...
Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 01-29-2000
Posts 5694
Sydney, Australia


3 posted 10-04-2004 04:39 AM       View Profile for Roniece Dawson-Bruce   Email Roniece Dawson-Bruce   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Roniece Dawson-Bruce

I really enjoyed this write - written from the heart filled with love and longing

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


4 posted 10-04-2004 09:26 AM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Very much enjoyed this piece..
would love to hear it put to music!
Hugs~

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 06-17-2000
Posts 5525
missouri


5 posted 10-04-2004 01:16 PM       View Profile for Paula Finn   Email Paula Finn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Paula Finn

I always love reading what you write...beautifully sad
rascalx
Senior Member
since 08-25-99
Posts 604
Florence, SC, USA


6 posted 10-05-2004 03:56 AM       View Profile for rascalx   Email rascalx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit rascalx's Home Page   View IP for rascalx


Paula, Enchantress, Roniece, Larry, garysgirl,

    Thank you for the kind words; I hope one day to put all of my "songs" to music. Obviously, I'm a sucker for sad love ballads.
    After writing this poem, it struck me as rather funny because while I feel like I am finally coming "into my own" with my writing again after a long dry spell; this song would probably make a great "coda" to my work... the "perfect" last poem for a poet to write... thus the title. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go write the other three hundred poems that have been hiding in my head this past year (lol)


dgvarner
Member Elite
since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


7 posted 10-05-2004 11:49 AM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dgvarner

Awesome Jeff!  

That second verse is so well written and such truth..there are so many things in my head that will never get any further than where they are....

How good to read you again  
hugs, g



"Now would you mind if I bared my soul / If I came right out and said you're beautiful..."  B. Adams
Enchantress
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since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


8 posted 10-05-2004 12:12 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

WRITE ON!!!
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


9 posted 10-05-2004 01:25 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

what a cherished gift to share with someone, your soul....
Lovely!!!
Susan
Member Ascendant
since 03-27-2004
Posts 5169
walking the surreal


10 posted 10-05-2004 02:35 PM       View Profile for Susan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan

Perfection is in baring heart and soul, in sharing depth and feeling - perfection is the movement of another soul -

Enjoyed this-

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

Gentle Spirit
Member Laureate
since 10-09-2000
Posts 14329


11 posted 10-05-2004 02:38 PM       View Profile for Gentle Spirit   Email Gentle Spirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Spirit

Excellent writing Jeff.  So much of this is just perfect truths about writing and poetry....loved this.
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 06-21-2000
Posts 7338
In the winds of Cherokee song


12 posted 10-05-2004 03:18 PM       View Profile for Mark Bohannan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark Bohannan


"The more I write, the more I just feel lonely
Why does it hurt so much when the things I write are true?"
****************

The hurt would still be there however maybe not bared so much.  For me, writing is a purification and release to an extent.  Great lines there with some very real questions.
****************

"Do my words get across
the love and the loss
when you don't really know me?"
****************

another great question.  I think maybe we can all relate but only to the extent of what we hold from our own lives.  The wonderful thing about poetry, is that is sheds a perspective of one and gives meaning to so many.
****************

"When all the writing is through
and I've done all I can do
my poems will be my final gift to you"
****************

and a gift it truely is.  Wonderful read this was, and I can only imagine the music that would accompany it.  I truely enjoyed the expressions in this one.

msrascalx
Junior Member
since 09-25-2004
Posts 15
Conway, SC


13 posted 10-05-2004 03:26 PM       View Profile for msrascalx   Email msrascalx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for msrascalx

Great work, seems so sad, I hope that you find your muse.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


14 posted 10-05-2004 03:26 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

rascalx
A joy to read.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


15 posted 10-05-2004 05:40 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

indeed
rascalx
Senior Member
since 08-25-99
Posts 604
Florence, SC, USA


16 posted 10-06-2004 01:40 AM       View Profile for rascalx   Email rascalx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit rascalx's Home Page   View IP for rascalx





dittydogg (ain't heard that in awhile, have ya'? ),
    My mind is constantly flooded with ideas for poems and it's sad how few of them actually make it to the page. I try to jot down ideas on scraps of paper or whatever is handy but it seems that some ideas just get lost in the shuffle of life. "sigh" I should hire a personal secretary (lol) I'd say Vickie (msrascalx) could be my secretary, but when she is around I'm way too distracted to write
   Thanks for reading; it's good to be read again.


Enchantress, LeeJ, Susan, Gentle Spirit, Seymour, shadows,
    Thank you all for reading and for your kind comments

Vickie,
    Silly girl, YOU'RE my muse. I didn't start writing again until I met you. Love you (and thanks for reading my poem of course)

Mark,
    Writing is very therapeutic and purifying for me too. I'm glad I'm able to find release on paper.
    As for the music, I imagine this as a soft acoustic ballad, maybe even a'cappella

                              - Jeff
Copperbell
Senior Member
since 11-08-2003
Posts 952


17 posted 10-06-2004 09:27 AM       View Profile for Copperbell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Copperbell

Some poems take forever
caught between page and pen

I love this line...it speaks of sweet time

I think some poems are meant to be lived with arms open wide...and if they never make it to the page, at least they have been experienced.

I notice you and your wife are both on here - nice to "meet" you both; I haven't read either of your work until today

Marge Tindal
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


18 posted 10-06-2004 02:53 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Jeff~
I believe that seeking the elusive 'perfection' is something that keeps us all penning~
May it ever be~

Great write~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

rascalx
Senior Member
since 08-25-99
Posts 604
Florence, SC, USA


19 posted 10-06-2004 09:27 PM       View Profile for rascalx   Email rascalx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit rascalx's Home Page   View IP for rascalx


Copper,
    Glad to "meet" you too and thanks for reading. I like your image of poems being shared with wide open arms. In a similar way, I equate posting my poems here with releasing a bunch of balloons; it's interesting and fun to see how far they "travel".

Marge,
    Thanks for the kind words
Greeneyes
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Member Patricius
since 09-09-2000
Posts 10848
In Your Poetic Mind


20 posted 10-11-2004 10:33 PM       View Profile for Greeneyes   Email Greeneyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Greeneyes

~~*~~
Read between the lines
look deep into each word
and you will understand the
depth of my soul (GE)
~~**~~

BldWhtRose
Junior Member
since 09-24-2001
Posts 38
Alabama USA


21 posted 12-07-2004 12:46 AM       View Profile for BldWhtRose   Email BldWhtRose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BldWhtRose

Hey Darling....
    Hope you and Vickie are doing great!  
I Miss You My Bestest Buddy !!!!!!
 
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