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Open Poetry #33
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Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal

0 posted 2004-10-02 11:47 AM


Tears define me this day
In the silence of the morning
In the silence of you
In the silence –
Of the distance
That is woven between us

I feel you stepping back
Closing in
Upon yourself
Leaving me here
In the bite of the cold
Of the stillness wrought
By your retreating steps

I am naked and bare
Exposed to the frost
That encases the fingertips
Of nothingness
Frozen beneath the stare
Of eyes no longer there

And these tears that I shed
Are as diamonds upon ice
Sliding o’er hues of glacial blue
Slowed by the cold
That lingers in this moment
This moment
Of missing you

s.a.t.

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

© Copyright 2004 s.a.t. - All Rights Reserved
Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
1 posted 2004-10-02 12:06 PM


Mine is but a noonday walk in the park
compared to this...perhaps some balm to
cure the ache?

Well written Susan..

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2004-10-02 12:16 PM


understanding this
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
3 posted 2004-10-02 01:48 PM


Your verbage to describe feelings really bring the reader in enough to feel the cold emotion of this piece.  Well written and smooth as silk flow even though the topic is not as silky.  Wonderful read.
aujussy wolf
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-08-09
Posts 1215
Michigan
4 posted 2004-10-02 01:57 PM



And these tears that I shed
Are as diamonds upon ice
Sliding o’er hues of glacial blue
Slowed by the cold
That lingers in this moment
This moment
Of missing you

, ....
speachless I am , sigh
~wolfy

((hug))

Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

5 posted 2004-10-02 03:29 PM


Beautiful Susan...perhaps my favorite of all of your awesome works!

Eric

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
6 posted 2004-10-02 04:34 PM


Many can understand the silence of which you speak but perhaps none can describe it as well as you've done here.  Wonderful write!
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
7 posted 2004-10-02 06:53 PM


awww Susan, you know you write beautifully . . . this reminded me of being in the bathtub after the water runs out . . .
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
8 posted 2004-10-02 07:37 PM


quote:
I feel you stepping back
Closing in
Upon yourself
Leaving me here
In the bite of the cold
Of the stillness wrought
By your retreating steps




Excellent write!

You have expressed that particular silence masterfully.

Love, Margherita

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
9 posted 2004-10-02 08:53 PM


You managed to remind me of the "chilled silence" that I have endured in times past.

I sure hope that this is just highly descriptive and emotive poetry and not a true reflection of what you are experiencing.

Love & Light,
Linda

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
10 posted 2004-10-02 09:04 PM


"Tears define me this day
In the silence of the morning
In the silence of you
In the silence –
Of the distance
That is woven between us"

feelin this one... well done

soul drifter
Senior Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 711
Colorado
11 posted 2004-10-02 09:21 PM


sad...but oh so pretty. very well done.

"Poets are all who love, who feel great truths, and tell them; and the truth of truths is love." --Philip James Bailey

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

12 posted 2004-10-02 10:24 PM


I loved the morphine-like melancholy in this piece, Susan.

Well done.

coyote

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
13 posted 2004-10-02 11:20 PM


this does ache
but with such grandeur

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
14 posted 2004-10-03 12:34 PM


This is the sad truth...it can feel so good when all is well but hurt so much when problems arise...James
Robert Joseph
Member
since 2000-10-07
Posts 491
South Carolina
15 posted 2004-10-03 06:58 AM


It is, for this type of work that I come to PIP to read. Greatly enjoyed!

Robert Joseph

Patricia
Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160
Missouri
16 posted 2004-10-03 08:12 AM


Your words could not more aptly describe the silence.  

Excellent write...full of the emotion.

Patricia

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
17 posted 2004-10-03 08:40 AM


lovely romantica
poe would shiver
but yet be aroused

enjoyed this

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
18 posted 2004-10-03 03:24 PM


Thank you all for your kind replies - I appreciate the love and warmth here upon these blue pages - have been out of town for a bit, no internet - talk about withdrawls.

Hugs to all, and thank you again - Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

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