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Open Poetry #33
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AntiEpic
| Open Poetry #33 |
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AntiEpic |
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IndigoEve Member
since 2003-01-10
Posts 279Etched in the illusion of time 
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When I walk the red light district at noon, there is nothing to keep me from standing beneath a thrice flooded, Japanese sky in the middle of an offcenter seamless street hold both at decisive length, she left, he right. I look as the signs change to yellow: if her hands were not so delicately slender when up against my spine, if his hands were not so rough and so permanent to firm an aching memory against the back of my skull. if her voice were not so tragic and smooth, like the oil upon my oceans, i hear this whisper, and i taste black salt in between her polished woodwind holes. if his voice were not so earthen, a weight driven through my eardrums below dusty evergreens. if her lips were not so thin as to fit my own watery tongue in rusted libation. if his lips were not so full of promise yet speaking sticky raspberry poems to me the white and pink veined epic broken by few. if her skin were not so papery, i could tear a bleeding line with my fingernail down her forearms, and kiss the sapphic verse from upturned sighs. if his skin were not so pinched and puckered around his temples, where he scarred me with slight abrasion. if her scents were not so fragile, dare i let her bite into my flesh, and i burn to bloom a french vanilla angel, walking circles through her valley. if his scent were not so pure and deep, the way his lies are honest as he is simply buried in the moist folds of London rain, my whole survival twined into a devastating thing. or if he were not - or if she were not - I bend my eyes into the ground. The light turns green. If I were to touch you, would you bleed a velvet river, running miracles through the sodden ground? --Moi |
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| © Copyright 2004 Imbued - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Very good poem A bit of fogginess in the delivery, as it should be, considering the subject....perhaps a confessional? Perhaps just poetic observation, but no matter....It is very well written and I enjoyed reading it... --------ice ><> |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
excellent use of imagery in this, very well done. I enjoyed this. |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
Poetic observation, indeed... of emotions riding the skin. Well done. |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
reading this poem was like watching an edge of your seater movie, so vivid and passonate...images runnning into the eyes of the reader...tremendous write! |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Let me echo Decaflame, who said it much better than I. You captured emotions riding the skin very well! miscellanea |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
This needs to be brought back to the fore. Stellar writing! I've been impressed. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
your writing continues to mature, clearly distinguishing yourself as one of this site's most promising poets [This message has been edited by Aenimal (09-22-2004 09:30 PM).] |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
bump..it's a sad fact that many of the best poems and poets get swallowed, dissappear or are overlooked |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Nicely polished Dave |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
This is FANTASTIC! Absolutely! Thank you. Keeping it. Well I see you doing, What I try to do for me, With the words from a poet, And a voice from a choir, And a melody, nothing else matters. ~Stevie Nicks |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
"if her scents were not so fragile, dare i let her bite into my flesh, and i burn to bloom a french vanilla angel, walking circles through her valley. if his scent were not so pure and deep, the way his lies are honest as he is simply buried in the moist folds of London rain, my whole survival twined into a devastating thing." Damned impressive write. All I can think of is "Wow"...  |
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