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Open Poetry #33
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Heltor Skeltor and the Negroes From the Farm
| Open Poetry #33 |
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Heltor Skeltor and the Negroes From the Farm |
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mrmojorisin5908 Member
since 2004-05-03
Posts 103Colorado |
A black prism escapes dust with an escapade Down on darkness the child of the field prays Transcendental winds blow euphoria of the past The roars of the lion succumb with infinite grace Calling upon the meadow of Slavic exile Mighty sewn tigers are in awe of the blackness Plantations murmur melodies of repetition And congeniality is referred to as the ghost of dawn “Come and escape the acidic nature of beings” The holy divinity lacks eternity as a whole Black or white: amour kills the cruel nature of one Dionysius was a farmer of great excellence And Zion was a mountain top full of frigidness Call upon a seed of narcotic humiliation For one may be a cosmic being But; forever last the blackness that perishes to exile Andrew A. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Andrew A. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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mrmojorisin5908 Member
since 2004-05-03
Posts 103Colorado |
I wonder why so many critices never read my imaginary art. I worked on this piece for a long time and i would love if someone could provide me with a personal evaluation. However, it seems to me that only the "elite" members on this forum are recognized. So go ahead and check out my other works. Preferrably the "Prophet of the Apocolypse." I have Spent years writing these lines. I analyze my thoughts until they are relevent with my thought process. SO I AM MAINLY ASKING PLEASE READ MY WORKS AND CRITIQUE WHATEVER IT IS YOU FIND EUPHORIC, PRAGMATIC, OR STRANGE!!!!!!!!! Andrew A. |
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Greeneyes  
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
firstly you posted this at 2 am not many are up at that hr....you are fairly new to the boards and we welcome you, I dont recall seeing your name before now, a good rule to follow is answer others poems to....secondly I have to ask who are the elite? and thirdly this is good but honestly I dont understand it--which is ok...theres a lot I miss sometimes.....I hope you enjoy your stay with us...welcome aboard! I don’t want the world to see me cause I don’t think that they’d understand When everything’s made to be broken I just want you to know who I am |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Andrew, I agree with Greeneyes. Comment on others works and they will comment on yours. Also, two a.m. isn't a good time to post if you are looking for comments right away. As for your poem. I found the title striking and thought provoking. When I think of Helter Skelter, I get the image of a mad man killing for the joy of it and nothing else- an injustice to humanity. Negroes from the farm- slavery, another injustice. the body of the poem seemed to follow along those lines. Well written, well thought out. I especially like the ending line because it seems to sum up the entire poem in that one statement. I am no critic and I could be wrong. either way, I enjoyed the read and will look for your other works. ~tier  |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Interesting write...alot of thought went into this...don't get disappointed by lack of replies at first....if you're really looking for critique...check the other forums....good write.. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Hi! I was intrigued by your poem and looked up your bio. I can see that your philosophical mind serves you well with a write such as this! A very i-n-t-e-r-e-s-t-i-n-g read! Perhaps a bit abstract for my rather linear thinking, but I certainly do appreciate the richness of your vocabulary!  Welcome to Passions! Earth Angel |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
"Black or white: amour kills the cruel nature of one" exactly well put |
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MGROVES
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802california |
interesting |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Mrmojo... I see this was posted in CA as well. I am sure that you will get some good, indepth response there, as well, when, given time, poets who frequent that arena come to read. As for me, and as for your constructive critique request, I think I would like to give my impression of each line. [I don't think I've seen that done in the five years I've been here, but then again, I don't get to read everything...  ]A black prism escapes dust with an escapade I see wind Down on darkness the child of the field prays in this I see the child sitting in shadows, perhaps a parent's? Transcendental winds blow euphoria of the past This, becomes a "Roots" analogy to me The roars of the lion succumb with infinite grace ...and the sounds of the past... Calling upon the meadow of Slavic exile Knowing where the danger is... Mighty sewn tigers are in awe of the blackness [this, I am not sure of] Plantations murmur melodies of repetition Makes me think of Negro spiritual songs And congeniality is referred to as the ghost of dawn something that is out there, but not... “Come and escape the acidic nature of beings” man's inhumanity to man... The holy divinity lacks eternity as a whole A belief that some might hold if there is no hope Black or white: amour kills the cruel nature of one Hmmm. Amour to me means "love"; while you use it to "kill" the cruel nature. So I am juxtaposed as to how to respond to this; in following the previous lines, I would say that it is the subjugation of white over black... Dionysius was a farmer of great excellence And Zion was a mountain top full of frigidness Imagery Call upon a seed of narcotic humiliation For one may be a cosmic being Any drug that can get us by... But; forever last the blackness that perishes to exile Death is irreversible. A lesson. Don't give up - it could be worse. Thank you for allowing me to pick this apart. I am still educating myself on the wherewithal of being a good critic [I don't like that word, I would rather it be something else, having to do with suggestion, as opposed to being a critic...] I enjoyed this very much, Sir. |
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