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Open Poetry #33
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muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

0 posted 2004-09-10 03:06 PM



Paperthin
(A than-bauk)
`````````````
Feel paperthin
broken skin worn
within, without.


© Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
1 posted 2004-09-10 03:14 PM


*smile*

beautiful form and keeping
the message intact . . .

4-3-2 . . .

climbing vines . . .

Beautiful, Dawn.


Pilgrimage
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since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
2 posted 2004-09-10 03:29 PM


I never heard of this one before, so I had to look it up so I'd know what I was seeing.  Perfect.  I love this just as a poem, and to see that it fits such a hard form makes it even better. Two thumbs up, girl!

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Greeneyes
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In Your Poetic Mind
3 posted 2004-09-10 04:15 PM


exceptional Dawn....

I don’t want the world to see me
cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

Susan
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since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
4 posted 2004-09-10 08:02 PM


yes.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

Enchantress
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since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2004-09-10 08:29 PM


Perfect Dawn!

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
6 posted 2004-09-10 10:50 PM


Don't know much about poetry...But do know what I like

Perfect thoughts for such a thin form.

Ed..

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

7 posted 2004-09-10 10:57 PM


I had to look this form up as well, and I can see that you have mastered it.

Beautiful you are.

Mxx

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
8 posted 2004-09-11 05:14 AM


oh yeah
Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
9 posted 2004-09-11 10:39 AM


Dawn~
Just lovely ... lovely~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
10 posted 2004-09-11 10:46 AM


Ah, now this is emotive...
so few words, so well done!

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
11 posted 2004-09-11 10:09 PM


Clearly, art with a tidal wave of emotion.
Exceptional write.
TD

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
12 posted 2004-09-11 11:58 PM


Dawn,
   Your words always leave in in reflection.
It's good to read your poetry again.  I don't see nearly enough!
             cathy (miscellanea)

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
13 posted 2004-09-12 12:08 PM



Paperthin is such a delicate state of mind,
and even harder to hold together.

Very powerful expression in so few words.

Nicely done good poetess~



~K~
Member
since 2004-07-27
Posts 148

14 posted 2004-09-12 06:27 AM


(A than-bauk)


Oh God, Please don't make me look it up. Just tell me now what it is! PLEASE!?

If you tell me I will write one just for you.

ice
Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404
Pennsylvania
15 posted 2004-09-12 08:39 AM


I thought that haiku was a compacted form, But this one is atomic...love it....

Its magic is (the content of the poems magic) that it made me say "ouch" for some reason.....brings a scene of a skinless person with just blood as the husk of the body..
enjoyed
---------ice
  ><>

Come read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling
And banish the thoughts of day.
Longfellow

muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
16 posted 2004-09-12 10:27 AM


http://members.optushome.com.au/kazoom/poetry/thanbauk.html
this url shows gives very easy to follow instructions on this form.
so ~K~, i hope to see your very very soon!!!

and to all of you , thanks soooo much for reading and commenting...it feels good to see you all

and Ice...i like that "atomic" comment...awesome..that is what it is...'atomic"

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