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Open Poetry #33
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In a small part of the world
| Open Poetry #33 |
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In a small part of the world |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
In our favor As though our love itself was the sun Heaven and earth moved and though we swirled through our universe we swore undying love Even now, as your beard is speckled with grey 'how we once laughed at the thought of grey' your hands still caress the case that holds my soul and so tender they hold my dreams although our mysteries have been discovered and more familiar is your face than my own we love still our friendship so strong, so old, so tender When our days are but dust And our years of wonder are gone I will say oh how we lived |
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| © Copyright 2004 Copperbell - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
my goodness, I loved this...  SO very touching |
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Snowflake From Hell Senior Member
since 2003-07-10
Posts 777My own little Icey Oblivion |
awesome job on this one...enjoyed One cannot see what lies within if one does not see the obvious |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
the perfect ending! |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Favor of our love is the sun Through Heaven and Earth run Swirls through our universe flying With our sworn love undying Now your beard speckled gray Once we laughed at this far off day But the caress your hands have made My soul knows the tenderness won’t fade For those hands still holds the dreams Even if not as young as my heart seems For all those discovered mysteries Fall in our now shared histories A face more familiar than my own Arms that sheltering like home We love still And always will. Beyond the lust Into dust Gloom I hope you don’t mind my rewriting your poem, But as much as I enjoyed the thoughts and expressions there I thought it needed a bit more structure, Whereas I can rearrange words On my own could not have captured this emotion. |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
Thank you everyone - I so appreciate your comments. Professor - I am honored that you would do that. Thank you for you comment. Structure is something I've been thinking about trying; definately takes more skill |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I believe you have already said it...James |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
me too James...thank you for saying so I appreciate somone putting some thought into something I wrote and giving me their feedback |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Copperbell....it seems you have found your paradise! I really enjoyed the tender touch reflected in your writing.  ....jo |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
By the looks of this poem your years of wonder will never disappear... "Even now, as your beard is speckled with grey 'how we once laughed at the thought of grey'" These lines remind me of my own life... enjoyed ---------ice ><> Come read to me some poem, |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Copperbell, This is lovely. It's always good to hear people sharing good fortune and appreciation. Thanks, Copperbell. It is lovely the way it is. I wouldn't change a bit of it. I like its simplicity, although I do like Gloom's spinning of thoughts, also. Your placement, your spacing, formatting is what makes it uniquely yours. miscellanea |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
(I just had to come back to checkmark this for my library!) Enjoyed, miscellanea |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Copperbell, Well now, proof there is advantages to getting older! A lovely write that works both with and without structure. I'm happy you shared this one. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
Thanks Iliana...I definately have something wonderful happening Ice - I'm glad this reminds you of your own life Miscellanea - thank you...I like it the way it is also, but I would like as a writer to put my words into a structure Thanks Larry...it has its benefits doesn't it? |
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froggy Senior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 1893Michigan |
I really like this one. :-) |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
Thanks Froggy - I appreciate your comment |
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