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Open Poetry #33
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msflame
Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 188


0 posted 2004-08-26 08:46 PM


I knew him when he walked me home from school
and every other girl thought he was cool
We said we'd have a song that we would share.
and he put ruby ribbons in my hair

He knew me underneath a cherry moon
that sang the songs we cried one afternoon
I gave him all those parts of me I saved
and he gave me his ring, my name engraved

I knew him when he went away to war
so scared I'd never see him anymore
the doorbell rang, an officer stood tall
and told me one I knew, had gave his all

I know him, roses laid across his stone
but somehow I don't feel so all alone
for every time I hold our little boy--
the two of us reflect his constant joy.


(revision)

[This message has been edited by msflame (08-26-2004 10:14 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 msflame - All Rights Reserved
Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
1 posted 2004-08-26 09:58 PM


What happened to him?  Did he return?  Or is his return awaited?

I like the feel and texture of this write, but I am left wondering -- one could surmise several different things.

  Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

msflame
Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 188

2 posted 2004-08-26 09:59 PM


I think I need to revise this Thanks for reading. Maybe its not finished. Poor guy
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
3 posted 2004-08-26 11:25 PM


sad, touching write....done very well
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2004-08-27 02:55 AM



LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

5 posted 2004-08-27 07:54 AM


Very sad and touching write
Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
6 posted 2004-08-27 08:21 AM


nice way to make a man
immortal

enjoyed this much

msflame
Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 188

7 posted 2004-08-27 08:45 AM


*S*  Thanks all. Glad you liked.

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
8 posted 2004-08-27 03:02 PM


Oh yes, this completes it beautifully --
how loving.

  Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

msflame
Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 188

9 posted 2004-08-27 03:58 PM


Yes, it does doesn't it, Susan?  Thanks hon, it really didn't read right before I added taht one strophe
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
10 posted 2004-08-28 02:31 AM


This is a precious poem.  Thanks for sharing it with us.  
msflame
Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 188

11 posted 2004-08-28 07:59 AM


and thank you for reading
vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
12 posted 2004-08-28 07:29 PM


enjoyed
msflame
Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 188

13 posted 2004-08-28 08:43 PM


Thank you, that's very sweet of you.
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
14 posted 2004-09-30 12:57 PM


Nice writing...James
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