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Open Poetry #33
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muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

0 posted 2004-08-26 11:56 AM



There’s something pretty
about fallen pigtails
and knees buckled
from laughing.
With voice of ribbons trailing
tickling the wind,
red lips biting at
the pretend,
an intimate friend
of less serious affairs.
Though decades of practice
have left her dress a mess,
"Nothing that can’t be smoothed over" she says
And with a wave of hand
any game can be played again.
This time it’s bound to be fun
~Run girly, run~
before this moment catches on
and the pink leaks into grey…

"No thanks, not today”

© Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
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Gaia
1 posted 2004-08-26 02:05 PM


What an interesting reminiscing write.
I saw ribboned pigtails flying in the wind. Nice imagery!

choshi
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New York
2 posted 2004-08-26 02:32 PM


Nice,  Your voice is so relaxed and natural here.....a pleasure to read and to follow the images and feelings you evoke so well....~P
GG
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Lost in thought
3 posted 2004-08-26 05:49 PM


I feel like I just watched a little girl growing up when reading this. And it makes me want to go put pigtails in and find my old friends to play a game of hide and seek. It's sad that we all seem to hide so well from smiles and youth... and innocence.
This is a keeper,
Love it!

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer

Seymour Tabin
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Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2004-08-26 07:16 PM


muted
Lol nothing muted about this write. Enjoyed

Goldenrose
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5 posted 2004-08-28 04:27 AM


Ah.... nostalgia...thank you..

GR.

Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
6 posted 2004-08-28 10:02 AM


I don't know what your muse has done
to bless your mind to heart to hand...
but I hope he or she never quits.

Every poem you've written lately,
has become their own keepers of time.

Susan
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since 2004-03-27
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walking the surreal
7 posted 2004-08-28 11:05 AM


This makes me remember childhood with great fondness.  Fortunately, I've girlfriends who still wear ribbons and crumpled dresses and love to laugh and be silly, and what fun we have.

Your words weave magic.  Your talent shines.

  Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

vandana
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8 posted 2004-08-28 07:30 PM


enjoyed
iliana
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9 posted 2004-08-29 01:02 AM


dear muted, this was a great poem, and I so feel where you are coming from.   ....jo
msflame
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10 posted 2004-08-29 03:36 PM


With voice of ribbons trailing
tickling the wind,"


a lovely poem. So enjoyed, especially the above line.

littlewing
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since 2003-03-02
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New York
11 posted 2004-08-29 06:36 PM


Dawn,

Oh to be eight again . . .
*smile*

Kristabell
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Portland, OR
12 posted 2004-08-29 07:34 PM


Very well written. I say, "Do not grow up until you have to." Do we ever have to? Great poem
hoot_owl_rn
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13 posted 2004-08-29 09:30 PM


loved the imagery in this one...to second someone else above, there's nothing muted about this piece
wranx
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Moved from a shack to a barn
14 posted 2004-08-29 09:55 PM


On the face of it...I see, not so much fallen pigtails, as a fallen angel. And a wish for the return of....simpler times. The pretense of a return to innocence

At the ending a rejection of those justifications.

Damned fine writing!

Cpat Hair
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15 posted 2004-08-30 02:06 PM


hmmm.. I'm with Ed on this.. fallen angle who is not sure she wants to even think about the pain..of innocence lost..

no matter... it reeads well and as usual.. I'm impressed.

Mysteria
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16 posted 2004-08-30 02:53 PM


Your writing is getting so intense and interesting yanno?  Having played this game of life for so long and finally letting down my pigtails, this poem has become a keeper to me in my library, for it went straight to a place in me I know all too well.
muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
17 posted 2004-08-30 03:26 PM


i decided to pop in and make a comment...and i do truly appreciate all of you who read and responded...
but you last 3, are hitting closer to whats going on in the poem.

and its lovely mysteria, that you kept this in your library..thank you for finding the layers.

thanks to all of you

Cpat Hair
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18 posted 2004-08-30 05:25 PM


(chuckling)...  one doesn't always tell everything they know or read....


Dark Angel
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19 posted 2004-08-30 05:30 PM


Hmm can't believe I've missed this one m'muted friend

I read it a few times and each time got a different interpretation. A very interesting write.

As always it's a pleasure to read you

Mxx

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
20 posted 2004-08-30 09:35 PM


Cpat: oh i know! *nodding*..sometimes its better to leave things unsaid...just incase yer wrong LMAO....but

i know some people saw deeper
and those who didnt, its so nice that they still found some joy reading this

ThisDiamond
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Michigan, USA
21 posted 2004-09-02 08:07 PM


Take good care of this girly...
Exceptional write.
TD

Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
22 posted 2004-09-02 08:31 PM


Dawn~
I found a hushed whisper in this one~
You express painful pretend in a fashion that leaves me wanting to hold and comfort ~Girly~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

nakdthoughts
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Between the Lines
23 posted 2004-09-02 09:16 PM


I felt what Marge did...but then we probably add  our own experiences to what we read...

you are writing very well...

hug
M

~K~
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since 2004-07-27
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24 posted 2004-09-03 12:19 PM


With voice of ribbons trailing
tickling the wind,
red lips biting at
the pretend


So, needless to say, you are still impressing me.

JamesMichael
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Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
25 posted 2004-09-03 12:36 PM


Nice writing...James
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