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Open Poetry #33
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GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought

0 posted 2004-08-25 08:01 PM



falling down is so cliche.
like rain, and tears,
and better days...
and i can't find a way to say

that i'm past blue
and falling into raindrops.

that nights are cold,
and hearts are black,
and grasses still aren't green
on this side of the track.

i can't say that someone died
or i've been stabbed right here again...
and i can't tell you where i've been
'cause it has all been felt before.

     everyone's a failure
     in a world of statistics

     where you and me
     are just the same
     and it's cliche...
               falling
                   into raindrops.



Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer

© Copyright 2004 GG - All Rights Reserved
Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
1 posted 2004-08-25 08:11 PM


One thing for certain, your writing is not cliche'.  This aches.  To state the cliche', time heals all wounds-- though the scars may linger.  I love the concept of "falling into raindrops".  Well written.

  Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2004-08-25 08:43 PM


I do like the way you take ordinary
and turn it inside out.  A good write, this!

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
3 posted 2004-08-25 09:11 PM


"that i'm past blue
and falling into raindrops."


this was really a cool read

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
4 posted 2004-08-25 09:16 PM


And I think you are a pretty special poetess
and there is nothing cliche' about that.
For you are unique,  one of a kind... and
that is a good thing...

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
5 posted 2004-08-26 04:25 AM


I couldn't agree with you more

hugs you

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
6 posted 2004-08-26 04:34 AM


GG,
   Wish I could say something really cool and wise, but hey,I'm just me.  I feel your poem very deeply.  Your poem is on my "must have" list. I suppose I'm at that point in time that things are cliche and I'm all written out.  But, there's still a lot around to discover!  Just waiting for something to click with my pen!  Good luck to you, Alyssa.
               Cathy

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
7 posted 2004-08-26 07:09 AM


Alyssa~
I think I'm gonna call you unique ... never, ever cliche~

A heartfelt penning ... you always manage to touch~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

8 posted 2004-08-26 07:28 AM


everyone's a failure
     in a world of statistics


Nice to see you and read you again, your pen gives me chills and your voice rings out...loud and clear...good infostructure within these words...solid and forthright...
Your writes glow with great fire....

Lady Of Light
Junior Member
since 2003-10-23
Posts 31

9 posted 2004-08-26 07:29 AM


Your voice is strong in this piece. I enjoyed, thank you.
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
10 posted 2004-08-28 02:06 AM


Hi, Alyssa.  Hope you are well.  Your poetry keeps getting better and better....you've been very blessed with a gift for expressing things so well.  Sorry, I'm just now getting around to posting.  I've got a special job I've been working on this past week and it will tie me up a few more days, but I'm going to try and get in here a little here and there.  Take care, sweetie pie..... love ya, jo
Darker Season
Junior Member
since 2004-04-01
Posts 48
Wisconsin
11 posted 2004-08-30 10:26 AM


This was incredible...I haven't read much of your work...but that will all change after reading this wonderful poem...it screams of talent and creativity.  Great job

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
12 posted 2004-08-31 03:06 PM


Oh, I have missed you Alyssa

this is a song . . . listen . . .

and i can't find a way to say

that i'm past blue
and falling into raindrops.


Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
13 posted 2004-09-03 10:33 PM


Alyssa,
So are you saying you're a cynic? Naw, you wouldn't say that! And SEA is right, again:
"that i'm past blue
and falling into raindrops."

is a really cool line! Nicely done sweet friend, nicely done.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
14 posted 2004-09-04 12:05 PM


Enjoyed....James
GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
15 posted 2004-09-08 01:08 AM


Everyone...
I'm sorry I've taken this long to reply to you all. It's definitely not before I don't appreciate your replies! I do... more then you know


Susan,
what a great compliment! Thank you. It's so hard not to write now and say the same things everyone else has said before. I've gotta admit, though, all I've ever seen time do is cover wounds up with a layer thick enough that not to be seen but thin enough still so it tears open and shows that it has rotted everything beneath. Maybe some things, though... eventually. Again, thank you

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
16 posted 2004-09-08 01:13 AM


Sunshine,
Thank you! though its strange to think I did that by talking about how the ordinary is to talk about the ordinary (I'm really not all too creative, lol). Your reply means a lot to me!

SEA,
I've spent a few too many days walking bone-soaked in the rain, letting my tears slip into the it all. I'm glad you liked this thank you.

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
17 posted 2004-09-08 01:16 AM


Magnus,
your words always mean so much to me. These ones were definitely no exception. Thank you so much for your kidness dear sir

Dix,
I figured... hugs

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
18 posted 2004-09-08 01:22 AM


Cathy,
Just you? I beg your pardon! Don't ever say that again! Your writing is always unique with a certain misc'e edge that I love, you'll always be able to find new things to say and ways to say them. And in turn, that'll bring me to do the same Thank you and good luck to you, too!

Marge,
weird, strange, or slightly awkward are much more accurate descriptions and you know it! You always reply with such care, thank you

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
19 posted 2004-09-08 01:27 AM


LeeJ,
thank you much, I wish that I could be here more and read you more, too. Seems I'm just gone or out of time, all the time, lately. Your reply is so very reassuring, thank you for that! Means more then you know...

Lady of light,
thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
20 posted 2004-09-08 01:35 AM


jo,
you're sorry for being slow? lol here I am weeks later replying. Things are just crazy I tell ya! I'm honored you think I'm blessed with an ability to express things well. Though I must admit I find it hard to believe... I think I'm just blessed with great people to express things to! Thank you so much for your words. You take care, too. Love ya...

Darker,
Thank you for those great compliments! I'm not around nearly as much as I'd like to be, but I want a chance to get to read some of your work, too. I'll bet it's great! Again thank you very much...

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
21 posted 2004-09-08 01:41 AM


littlewing,
I've missed you, too!!! It's so good to see you here again and such an honor for you to reply so kindly to my writing. Thank you Sue.

Larry,
me? a cynic? never (I would say it, that is! But if the shoe fits... lol)! I'm glad you liked it! It's always good to hear from you Take care...

James,
good! I'm glad thank you.

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer

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