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Open Poetry #33
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muted
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Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

0 posted 2004-08-25 02:00 AM


posted this with some urging on from a certain dark winged one..LOL...
~
~
~

de Sade came to play today
and I listened to
pebbled window sill
laughing in the patter
of stones striking glass

and I hid behind the shear
of curtains slightly parted
glancing him and his advance
how warm the sun invited me
to let the air in, breathing
the day's dusty embrace

and he did have such a pretty face

and I smiled, tracing his shadow
with my eyes, fingers tightly
pulling the hem of summer
nearer to me, in-between
the echoes of his beckoning

and that voice that called to me
that cry of misery
made suffering seem so free

he was so beautiful in his need.

and I would run to him
if it weren’t for my thinning skin
and the confusion of finding
where he ends and I begin.

where He ends......I begin

...de Sade came to play today...

© Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

1 posted 2004-08-25 02:20 AM


oh Dawn, you've collapsed me with this one,
the imagery, the phrasing? Just amazing, I'm giddy

it's a keeper.

Mxx

P.S  so glad you posted.

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2004-08-25 03:43 AM


glad you got nudged
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

3 posted 2004-08-25 08:15 AM


and that voice that called to me
that cry of misery
made suffering seem so free

he was so beautiful in his need.

and I would run to him
if it weren’t for my thinning skin
and the confusion of finding
where he ends and I begin.

where He ends......I begin

...de Sade came to play today...
damn woman.... each offering from you seems to open a new complexity to the style and to the form... and each touching things in me I sometimes would leave alone...

you do indeed write it well...


LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

4 posted 2004-08-25 08:30 AM


and that voice that called to me
that cry of misery
made suffering seem so free

he was so beautiful in his need.

and I would run to him
if it weren’t for my thinning skin
and the confusion of finding
where he ends and I begin.

where He ends......I begin

...de Sade came to play today...


Awesome, utterly awesome!

sigheyes
Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 323
the winds of destiny
5 posted 2004-08-25 09:24 AM


WOW!  Incredible writing!  Thank you.
vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
6 posted 2004-08-25 09:43 AM


enjoyed
Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
7 posted 2004-08-25 10:46 AM


Oh my.  Complex, well-thought-out, and excellently executed. Oh my.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
8 posted 2004-08-25 10:48 AM


Nicely done-

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

9 posted 2004-08-25 10:55 AM


and I smiled, tracing his shadow
with my eyes, fingers tightly
pulling the hem of summer
nearer to me, in-between
the echoes of his beckoning

and that voice that called to me
that cry of misery
made suffering seem so free
gawd....your writing is so....so....
INCREDIBLE dear gal!  I love the above lines...one can feel the ache in the words.
WRITE ON GAL!
IWIHWT!

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
10 posted 2004-08-25 11:04 AM


muted

So well done!  Especially loved this:

"pulling the hem of summer"  

wandering glider
Senior Member
since 2001-04-04
Posts 501
aloft
11 posted 2004-08-25 03:01 PM


well done

-glider-

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
12 posted 2004-08-25 05:50 PM


dang, you are on a roll woman, and please...please keep on it! this is REAL writing from the inner sanctuary of emotions
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
13 posted 2004-08-25 08:46 PM


Darn good thing she winged you into this...
or I would have!

choshi
Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184
New York
14 posted 2004-08-26 01:51 AM


Strong writing Dawn, I'm back for a second read, head clear from the day's events and still find myself speechless in awe of the images and feelings your pen evokes....   ~P
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
15 posted 2004-08-26 04:19 AM


and that voice that called to me
that cry of misery
made suffering seem so free

he was so beautiful in his need.

and I would run to him
if it weren’t for my thinning skin
and the confusion of finding
where he ends and I begin.

Alright so Ron and I have the same taste...but I cut and pasted it again to emphasize just how damn good this writing is.  Amazing work here.  

  *click*

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