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Open Poetry #33
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Adonis Cross
Junior Member
since 2003-04-07
Posts 46
Miami, FL, USA

0 posted 2004-08-19 01:21 PM



As long as you and I remain
The people we are now,
My love for you can never wane,
And no one else can hope to gain
My adoration, or attain
My heart with any vow.

No matter who may come along
Beseeching me to stray—
No matter where she ranks among
The others, how divine her song
Of promises—my will is strong,
And at your side I'll stay.

You know I'll never change, my dear,
And I can fully see
The woman you are now and here
Will never alter year to year...
So I will suffer, since it's clear
You're not in love with me.

© Copyright 2004 Adonis Cross - All Rights Reserved
muted
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Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
1 posted 2004-08-19 01:23 PM


oh i didnt expect that ending...so beautifully written...then that last line made my heart fall!!

wonderfully written..builds the reader up..then breaks hearts...the same as the subject

enjoyed this  

Nightshade
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Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
2 posted 2004-08-19 01:41 PM


I agree with Dawn .... I did not expect that ending line! Very well written piece. Hugs, Chris

"At one glance
I love you
With a thousand hearts."


— Mihri Hatun, Turkish poet

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
3 posted 2004-08-19 01:57 PM


outstanding ending (for the poem not in real life).

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

4 posted 2004-08-19 01:58 PM


poignant writing, very well written.
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
5 posted 2004-08-19 02:03 PM


Well done, Adonis Cross. A great unrequited love write.
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
6 posted 2004-08-20 12:32 PM


Alas...looks like they still haven't made that rule where two have to fall in love at the same time...therefore much pain and confusion...James
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2004-08-20 01:10 AM


awesome rhyme scheme!
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