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Open Poetry #33
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The descion to go on
| Open Poetry #33 |
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The descion to go on |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla 
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Cold cold blood wads down my glass window plane,thoughts of my own suicide remain,the feelings within your touch The magic in your eyes has turnt crimson red as I see you for the first time. The scale of time drifts in and out the mind about the caos let out the demons around. The silence oh the bitter silence of my own imagination why can't they take me on a temporary vacation. Suck the posion from your throat choke the cruelity off your coat. seek into a deep comitos state begin to contiplate. move on with the heavy sword of courage piearce it in myself and set me free going on in this world wise couragous loving and just being me. Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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| © Copyright 2004 Julie O'Neill - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
sorry but that's kinda yucky |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
why is it yucky? I'm just expressing the negitive energy out of me. I think its good that I got it out. and you could of used a better word then yucky. |
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Pell Member
since 2001-09-16
Posts 134Pacific NW |
I think no one should judge a sincere expression...I don't find this yucky, just a bit rushed in posting perhaps- emotions are impatient, yes? I think a healthy dose of spell-check would greatly improve this representation of feelings  Something like this? The Decision To Go On Cold, cold blood wads down my glass windowpane Thoughts of my own suicide remain, the feelings within your touch The magic in your eyes has turned crimson red as I see you for the first time. The scale of time drifts in and out the mind about the chaos let out the demons around. The silence, oh the bitter silence of my own imagination Why can't they take me on a temporary vacation. Suck the poison from your throat, choke the cruelty off your coat. Seek into a deep comatose state Begin to contemplate. Move on with the heavy sword of courage Pierce it in myself and set me free, going on in this world wise, courageous, loving, and just being me. I can see the rhyme in your write, but the structure is beyond my expertise to offer suggestion- I would not presume to correct that which was perhaps intended hehe. |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
thank you im glad you understand Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice writing...James |
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Contabo Member
since 2001-11-21
Posts 159 |
I want to say something... but I better not. It wouldn't be popular. Contabo |
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