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Open Poetry #33
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muted
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Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

0 posted 2004-08-13 01:07 PM



~~ a little note to my PIP friends, for those who read the poem "Coma" this poem is part of that series. You may not think so when you read it, but rest assured...this is part of a series of events. Im a little nervous about posting this...cause its exposing part of me that i dont normally make public. but, this is part of how im healing..so please..bare with me. oh, and thanks for reading ~~

`
`
`
`
Injury
(Blame)
``````````

im angry today
and im going to blame
anyone
for the seathe
that lurks beneath
my resemblance
of someone who cares

~yeah, right there~

that familiar sting
of bruised vanity

how ugly can it be?

I know naked
right through the bone
brittle spine

exposed soul

left orphaned
by lapses
in time

and sometimes
i need
and bleed
and scream
in rage
and feel
betrayed
and find
myself
forbidden
to say
those things
that darken me
and
swallow whole
what little
is left
to save

of me

the end
was so alone

no wonder it
was easy
to let go

and Pity
was my
only
reprieve,
unfortunately.

i thought
i deserved
More.


© Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved
Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

1 posted 2004-08-13 01:08 PM


write away dear,
and we will be here to help you heal.....
hugs....

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2004-08-13 01:17 PM


never be afraid to expose your true self and what you are going through, not here...this place is therapy...it is good

you are loved and have so many friends

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

3 posted 2004-08-13 01:17 PM


and Pity
was my
only
reprieve,
unfortunately.

i thought
i deserved
More.


One can read this ending more than one way.. which I enjoy in a poem.. the reader being able to take from it the things they want to..

Sometimes... our own self pity is the only reprieve we find..and yes..you deserve more than that or the pity of someone else... but as you hint in your opening remarks, you know there are cyclical things we go through to heal.. and to move on with our own lives after having been hurt or left or after a loss...

anger..
   denial
pity...

a good many things we think of as negative in our day to day.. become the means through which we heal the emotional wounds..
so in the end I have to ask.. no matter how hard we wish to rise above being human and feeling those things.. how does it make us bad to feel them.. or to express them in words and works such as this?

enjoyed this my friend... and send a hug.. simply because.


iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2004-08-13 01:19 PM


We have to embrace all of ourselves if we are ever going to be whole, and that means the dark side, too.  Very good writing, muted.   ......jo
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

5 posted 2004-08-13 06:41 PM


and sometimes
i need
and bleed
and scream
in rage
and feel
betrayed
and find
myself
forbidden
to say
those things
that darken me
and
swallow whole
what little
is left
to save

of me

the end
was so alone

no wonder it
was easy
to let go

and Pity
was my
only
reprieve,
unfortunately.

i thought
i deserved
More.


You expressed yourself magnificently Dawn, and yes... you DO deserve more.

love ya

keeping this.

Mxx

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
6 posted 2004-08-13 06:52 PM


very well expressed.  it helps, doesn't it, to write it out, to share it, to know someone hears.  sending you a hug --

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

7 posted 2004-08-13 10:51 PM


and I thought it was just me...



keep 'em coming, Dawn. Your words of late are a balm for me.


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
8 posted 2004-08-14 12:18 PM


Nice writing...James
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
9 posted 2004-08-14 12:21 PM


Feel free to expose yourself anytime..wait that didn't sound right.

Seriously, thanks for sharing and venting. I spent the entire day listening to Pretty Hate Machine and this just keeps with the theme. Somewhere that made sense..don't mind me been a long bad day

Just noticed the new pic, ultra cool

MovesInSilence
Member
since 2004-03-21
Posts 111
Perth, Australia
10 posted 2004-08-14 12:22 PM


If i remember correctly someone did scream their lungs out .... oh you mean ...oops
I will be here as you need me buddy.

It's not the blindfold that blinds you,
it's the person that puts it there.

ice
Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404
Pennsylvania
11 posted 2004-08-15 10:40 AM


Muted
Yes, you do deserve more...You left out the other ingredients that lead to happiness after a traumatic event....these things can be self implied if need be, but you have a family of friends here at pip who I am sure will offer these emotional chattels.

"TO Mercy, Pity, Peace, and Love  
All pray in their distress;  
And to these virtues of delight  
Return their thankfulness. "

William blake--exert.."The Divine Image"

Enjoyed this poem
--------ice
  ><>

choshi
Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184
New York
12 posted 2004-08-15 08:33 PM


Don't stop talking....
Being as you are,
whole and in pieces,
Beautiful!!!!!  

   ~P

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
13 posted 2004-08-15 09:12 PM


muted

Sometimes we need to say the word before we can see....and that is a healing thing to do.  And, sometimes we need to read someone elses pain, before we can give name to our own.  Poetry can do both of these, as yours has.  Thank you!  

~K~
Member
since 2004-07-27
Posts 148

14 posted 2004-08-15 11:46 PM


Very powerful stuff here. I Really like it.

"i need
and bleed
and scream
in rage
and feel
betrayed
and find
myself
forbidden
to say
those things
that darken me"

GREAT work!
I must find the coma poem & read it now!


suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
15 posted 2004-08-16 04:13 PM


and sometimes
i need
and bleed
and scream
in rage
and feel
betrayed
and find
myself
forbidden
to say
those things
that darken me
and
swallow whole
what little
is left
to save

of me

This is so very powerful... excellent write!

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
16 posted 2004-08-18 11:45 AM


It would appear that everyone has highlighted my favorite bits, so just let me compliment the straightforward manner they were offered. Something I find difficult to do.
Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688
USA
17 posted 2004-08-18 11:49 AM


I know naked
right through the bone
brittle spine

exposed soul

left orphaned
by lapses
in time

and sometimes
i need
and bleed

~*~

More, indeed.  I will have to catch up on this series, muted.  I'm very far behind on my reading.  I will search for you tonight.


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