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To Y.Y.
| Open Poetry #33 |
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To Y.Y. |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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Especially from up high, the eye adores This city, from a distance, in the evening And life is wonderful again, - although, of course, The last few times have proved to be deceiving. Have I gone mad or is this love? I cannot say... No matter what it is, this time I'm certain That not a thing will change from day to day, And every time I pull aside the curtains, I feel convinced that I will recognize The scenery unchanged. To put it loosely, I wouldn't miss much if I closed my eyes, As one might do when listening to music... Check out my poetry here: http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master [This message has been edited by Master (08-14-2004 09:46 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
I know cities, And yes there comes a time when Eyes closed, eyes open You can see the same. Enjoyed the read, But one comment, The last line doesn’t fit well Or the third from last, either way, The rhyme is too tight over the rest of the poem. The easiest change, with least disruption would be The scenery unchanged. To put it loosely, To The scenery unchanged. To loosely put it, Just and observation and a friendly comment Perhaps you meant it to be discordant Gloom |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I wouldn't miss much if I closed my eyes, As one might do when listening to music... I enjoyed reading you although I am not sure what Y.Y. is (sometimes I am dense)  Hope all is well M |
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