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Open Poetry #33
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2004-08-04 10:12 PM


When we are bound to distraction
when words on lips are missed
tears slip past the gaze of comphrehension.
Eyes that did not see are unaware of the weight of one drop
as it seems to pull the color of skin away
with its slow descent to
evaporation
short lived
each
but many
and they streak pale bulbs
corrupt the light
lashing with tiny red strokes.

All of my impurities are right here on my sleeve. This is Me"---Faith Hill


© Copyright 2004 Jennifer - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2004-08-04 10:19 PM


this
has an audible ache

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2004-08-04 10:37 PM


You captured a portrait here, seldom seen...

Good to read you, although I ache to read some happiness from you too, I'll not complain.

Hugs, Jen.

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
3 posted 2004-08-05 07:36 PM


  yep.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

4 posted 2004-08-05 08:08 PM


"short lived
each
but many
and they streak pale bulbs
corrupt the light
lashing with tiny red strokes."

Best descriptive phrasing I've read in a long time.  The pain is indeed palpable.  Quite an effective write Jen.  

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
5 posted 2004-08-05 09:21 PM


It is like being a submariner riding inside the tear and following it down your cheek into oblivion...

Impressed..

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
6 posted 2004-08-05 09:27 PM


Yes,  this is impressive writing.  I doubt
I could have written this as well.  

Foxyoasis
Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla
7 posted 2004-08-06 12:44 PM


very good,it really hits home with me.

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....


HopeS
Member Elite
since 2000-12-22
Posts 4596
Perth Western Australia
8 posted 2004-08-06 12:47 PM


crying alone ... yes thats where I am at , the way you described it is exactly that

Hope

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
9 posted 2004-08-06 12:51 PM


This should be a painting!
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
10 posted 2004-08-07 02:17 AM


Nice writing...James
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