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Open Poetry #33
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Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal

0 posted 2004-07-31 10:51 AM



Do I look like
That back seat of a jeep
Kinda girl?
Stolen kisses
In frozen moments
Tangled limbs
In hurried abandon
Trying to absorb
All we can
Before the tick of clock
Says the hour is over
And its back again
to the four door sedan
Yeah, okay,
Maybe I am.

s.a.t.

As you know, I like to play around, try on different shoes, make my words play to different tunes or paces.  When I do this, I would appreciate knowing if it works.  Thanks    
Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

© Copyright 2004 s.a.t. - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2004-07-31 11:41 AM


Nice...

and yes'm, this does indeed work for me!

(I like to try on different moods and tone in writing too!)

I enjoyed muchly, Susan!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
2 posted 2004-07-31 12:38 PM


Excellent...I love stepping outside myself and trying on different hats ..LOL.

I know this person is not you.
But it is fun to try to see and write from another viewpoint.

You wrote this very well!!

Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain ~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
3 posted 2004-07-31 12:48 PM


pretty neat...I don't play around with different things, but maybe I should start *shrug*
Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
4 posted 2004-07-31 01:48 PM


I am trying to think of a title for this
piece.  I can see and feel it clearly...
though I agree...that is not YOU!!...
perhaps an alter ego?  like a lizard that
changes colors to match the habitat...NO,
you are not a lizard,  OK?  Please, keep
the knives in a safe place...NOT in my back
or backside...sheesh....

Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

5 posted 2004-07-31 01:54 PM


It worked!

Eric

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
6 posted 2004-07-31 02:46 PM


Ah, thank you kindly.  I wondered about posting this one, it was a lot of fun, I'm glad it works.  I'll have to play some more.

btw, Barry, no slicing and dicing, promise

I couldn't figure a title for it.  Suggestions are welcome

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
7 posted 2004-07-31 06:03 PM


Much enjoyed.  Susan, believe it or not I wrote a "back seat" poem about a month ago, but couldn't get it together so it is still sitting in my poetry folder.  I understand what you mean about trying on different shoes; that's part of the creative process, I think.   ....jo
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
8 posted 2004-07-31 06:15 PM


Stolen kisses
In frozen moments
Tangled limbs

yes, the heat, the passion, the entwined lines of legs and arms....yes yes the 10 minute rendevous

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
9 posted 2004-07-31 06:30 PM


Frozen moments to melt the hearts long after they are lived ...
you created a very vivid scene of desire.
Brava.
Love, Margherita

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
10 posted 2004-07-31 06:39 PM


Appreciate all your different shoes kiddo...
Great write.
TD

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
11 posted 2004-08-01 11:21 PM


Thanks dear friends -- what would I do without your encouragment and kindness --

love you --

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

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