The Woodsman (2nd revision)

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Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

0 posted 2004-07-30 05:58 PM

The Woodsman

Silence…,
soft since the most recent snowfall
among stands of oak and hick’ry,
gray, bare on deep winter hillsides
mingling into shadows,
axe bitten .. felled
with a woodsman’s stroke unquiet
right through this place of stillness
pallid in Holiness darkened
only by the footsteps of trespass

[This message has been edited by Contabo (07-30-2004 07:29 PM).]

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

1 posted 2004-07-30 07:45 PM

Very nice. You painted the picture well, it is as if I stand before the scene.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 2004-07-30 07:46 PM

Enjoyed...James

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

3 posted 2004-07-30 08:02 PM

Thank you Susan I am glad you felt that way.

James, I very much appreciate your reading and taking time to comment.

Contabo

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 2004-07-30 08:57 PM

Contabo

I could almost see a chunck of snow fall from the hill from the vibration. Well done!

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

5 posted 2004-07-30 09:01 PM

Martie, I am appreciative of your thoughts.

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

6 posted 2004-07-30 09:02 PM

Contabo,
   Wow!  Some poems I just read over and over aloud.  Yours was one, becoming more
meaningful each time.  Not only depth, but the words and sounds are sequenced to echo the mood.  Truly enjoyable reading, but I hope the woodsman is careful to mark only the trees that are dead before cutting.
             miscellanea

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

7 posted 2004-07-30 09:06 PM

miscellanea, I thank you very much.

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

8 posted 2004-07-31 12:03 PM

I think misc'e had a very well put comment and would like to add my echo to her voice. Great writing........jo

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

9 posted 2004-07-31 07:07 AM

Thank you jo....revising is a disturbing prospect at times.

A poet knows it can be better, but how much meddling can a poem take??

Contabo

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

10 posted 2004-07-31 12:38 PM

nicely done.. the imagery and the mixture of senses in partaking of the poem, leave the reader with the sense of reality, yet with also the understanding of the spiritual that goes on behind and in the scene itself.

very good revision.. I jumped back and read the original and think this one captures a bit "more" in someway.

I enjoyed...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

11 posted 2004-07-31 12:47 PM

So very much enjoyed reading this...
Your imagery is so vivid...perfect!!
I shall look for more of your work.
~Smiles Hugs, Nancy~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain ~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

12 posted 2004-07-31 01:02 PM

you set this mood very well

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

13 posted 2004-07-31 02:01 PM

Cpat..thank you. I hoped in a large way that I could make it better and not fiddle where I should not.

Enchantress, I appreciate your enthusiastic reading and will have more poetry to post.

PS, I am glad you stopped by.

Contabo

If I went on revising everything that I now do not like in this book I should be so busy that I would have no time to try to write new poems.

Dylan Thomas

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