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kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2004-07-28 02:29 AM

we fell
into a silence,
coping with the
few minutes of prolonged presence
together
since you always, always
got off at the
previous station

you watched me
make a mental note
to upsize our small-talk tank
with painfully contrived topics
I tried in vain
to penetrate your
fortress face
we both waited too long
for the rumbling train
to stop gloating at
our apparent intimacy

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2004-07-28 04:08 AM

good write here...and good to see you

glad you put your picture up

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

2 posted 2004-07-28 10:32 AM

Well penned, enjoyed.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

3 posted 2004-07-28 11:28 AM

exceptionally nice read...not to mention, wise and emotionally charged

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

4 posted 2004-07-28 01:01 PM

Ah, those awkward silences can take up such precious time! Great write here. Chris

Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.
Hans Christian Anderson

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

5 posted 2004-07-28 01:01 PM

Kaile, you've got me wanting more to follow this intriguing write. Well done.......jo

Startime55
Member Elite

since 2003-04-05

Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada

6 posted 2004-07-28 02:11 PM

Powerfully written...I love the vision you opened up with your words...

Mon Cherie

Senior Member

since 2001-10-31

Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers

7 posted 2004-07-29 11:22 AM

You've done well in describing the scenario.

There's nothing worse than awkward silences, where you could actually feel the minutes ticking by. Not mentioning how stiff your face gets, juz cuz you've gotta maintain that polite smile, with an interested face...

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

8 posted 2004-07-29 11:51 AM

enjoyed.

Will you continue the story?

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

9 posted 2004-07-29 11:59 AM

well done kaile, much enjoyed.

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