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Open Poetry #33
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2004-07-24 03:12 AM


Time is bothering these days:
ticking tocking maddening,
"like sands within the hourglass"
and shells of lives upon the beach
and yearning foaming hungering
tearing at this all of me
watch the waves recede and grin
tan me in the love and wave
as the sun concedes and then
tell the gods that beg
I gave
at the office
as I play...

tell them all I said

"forgave."

I wink--

(it was a lie)

I stayed.

but god will greet me anyway--

(won't he? won't she?)

pronouns lie

I've a toe in surf...

I thought:

"God will greet me anyway"

I drag the tide
and pull the sway
of the ocean
into us--

a sea

of proof

I prayed...

and thus--

I created too...

[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (07-24-2004 05:03 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
1 posted 2004-07-24 04:18 AM


"I gave
at the office"

If only that worked...chunks of me wouldn't be missing..

  

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
2 posted 2004-07-24 04:41 AM


"I drag the tide
and pull the sway
of the ocean
into us--

a sea

of proof

I prayed...

and thus--

I created too..."

And you just did it again, Karen!  And what a creation this was -- oustanding.  Hope you are doing well, lady. .......*hugs*....jo

muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
3 posted 2004-07-24 06:29 AM


oh my
*shaking head*
what it would be like
to be you

The good in you far outweighs anything else

and damn...when you are good...you are GREAT.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
4 posted 2004-07-24 07:30 AM


"I drag the tide
and pull the sway
of the ocean
into us--"

~ It is lines like these that make me appreciate your talent even more!


EA

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
5 posted 2004-07-24 07:35 AM


serenity,
You are a bright candle on Gods birthday cake.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2004-07-24 09:08 AM


"I drag the tide
and pull the sway
of the ocean
into us--

a sea

of proof

I prayed...

and thus--

I created too..."


Shaking my head in awe here Ser.,
What an amazing write...
from a very talented writer.

Love ya lady~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain ~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

7 posted 2004-07-24 09:18 AM


"like sands within the hourglass"
and shells of lives upon the beach
and yearning foaming hungering
tearing at this all of me
watch the waves recede and grin
tan me in the love and wave
as the sun concedes and then
tell the gods that beg
======================


well ya had me from the title on.

*smiling at Sys reply* and saying amen to that.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
8 posted 2004-07-24 09:59 AM


One acronym...

IWIHWT


SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
9 posted 2004-07-24 10:46 AM


"I drag the tide
and pull the sway
of the ocean
into us--"

this is so completely beautiful....
I LOVED this part especially  

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
10 posted 2004-07-24 10:47 AM


Trying to choose my favourite line or lines, is an impossible task. So, I will just KEEP this jewel!! Hugs to you, Chrislane  

   Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.
                                          Hans Christian Anderson

scorpio
Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178
right...there
11 posted 2004-07-24 10:53 AM


You stir the soul.

believe in what your heart feels...

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
12 posted 2004-07-24 01:01 PM


Well...just keep dragging that toe and you never know you might just get somewhere in the process.  See, if you dig deep enough it makes a big hole anyway doesn't it, and you can throw all the hurt in that big hole, cover it, bury it, and skip away whistling a tune.  (wishful thinking)
icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
13 posted 2004-07-24 01:04 PM


"but god will greet me anyway--"

I have no doubt she will.

*smile*


passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
14 posted 2004-07-24 02:46 PM


gotta agree with everyone here...
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

15 posted 2004-07-24 04:30 PM


Thank you all for reading.

I'm kind of happy with this one myself, but only because my daughter expressed relief that she understood it.

"Are you sure?" I asked her wickedly.

(I should leave well enough alone sometimes, huh?)



Thanks all for the encouragement.

Blessings from whatever God/dess of your understanding!

RobertB
Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104
Champaign, IL
16 posted 2004-07-24 06:23 PM


this is very cool...I love to link the ocean with emotion.

You did it well.

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
17 posted 2004-07-25 02:09 AM


ummmm! Great piece, Serenity.  You got my toes wet on this one...
                       misc'e

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

18 posted 2004-09-18 03:59 AM


I absolutely love this, i don't know how i missed it. It crashed over me again and again as i read, like waves that pick up the sand.

it's a


Well I see you doing...
What I try to do for me
With the words from a poet...
And a voice from a choir
And a melody... nothing else matters
~Stevie Nicks

Kevo
Member
since 2004-06-02
Posts 466
Navarro County, Texas, USA
19 posted 2004-09-18 04:07 AM


What an amazing keeper of a poem! It was touching and intriguing...forcing some of my own introspection...what of my waves...my tide...my beach.  You got me thinking.  Why'd you have to do that now?  I was getting tired!  This poem left a mark.  I appreciate the sweet opportunity to read and suck it all in while the waves take me out of here.

Warm wishes to you,

Kevin

ice
Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404
Pennsylvania
20 posted 2004-09-18 05:14 AM


Serenity

I like how this poem tapers, following the intensity of thought...connecting the readers brain very well by its shape, with the emotions emitted by its content... like a concrete poem does.
enjoyed reading it...
--------------ice
  ><>

Come read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling
And banish the thoughts of day.
Longfellow

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