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Open Poetry #33
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1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2004-07-20 12:58 PM



And


and
where are you tonight
when my skin aches
to be touched
what is it
that makes me
feel so much
and have so little
a whisper dancing
across the grass
yearning in slow burn
to be with roots
an ember waiting
to be a fire

"be prepared to bleed"  Joni Mitchell

© Copyright 2004 Helen Chambers - All Rights Reserved
exhale
Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646
Alberta,Canada
1 posted 2004-07-20 03:19 AM


where are you tonight
when my skin aches
to be touched
what is it
that makes me
feel so much
and have so little


beautiful,i loved every inch of it.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2004-07-20 04:55 AM


he's definitely missing out, I'd say
Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
3 posted 2004-07-20 08:36 AM


nights have a way
of dumping the buckets out
facing you
so the empty shows

I kicked the bottoms out
of mine
so I can see tomorrow
and another chance

when night turns them up


cool stuff ms slick

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

4 posted 2004-07-20 09:41 AM


nicely done Helen... as usual.
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
5 posted 2004-10-21 09:52 PM


i can feel the tease of the persons shadow in this
very nice

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
6 posted 2004-10-22 12:11 PM


If only I could show
to someone who knows

this moon,
these flowers,
this night that should not be wasted


Minamoto Nobuakira

cynicsRus
Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!
7 posted 2004-10-22 12:49 PM


Rather liked the imagery here.
Didn't quite know what to make of the title at first. I realized however, that it's quite suitable, given the longings expressed within the piece which seem to drift off into an obscure horizon. It doesn't work as a whole line the way you have it in L1.
Since the phrase, "[do a] slow burn" conveys a buildup of anger, L11 seemed a bit of a distraction to me. I began to wonder later however, if it was intentional, turning the reader gently in a new direction.
Overall, nice.

Sid  
If you must carp: Carpe diem!

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