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Open Poetry #33
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iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA

0 posted 2004-07-15 02:59 AM


A bloody battle stained the hill
Smashing wildflowers screaming shrill.
There, warriors laid their heads that day
Shared the sun, shared the shade.
Red and White, blue coats and feathers,
The warriors laid beside each other.  
One left living heaved a sigh
As he held the tears inside.
To Eagle and to Crow, he cried,
"Come witness this, my sorrow’s show.
Mmmmmmaaaaaahooooooooopeeeooo."
For brothers, all, he let them go.
“Brother Wind, carry them, blow.
Take my family where you know."

The last one standing stood to rise,
One gaze back, then thanked the Sky.
“Brother Eagle, help me see,
Where must I go now to be free?
Brother Eagle, this is my bow;
Take it, break it, not needed more.
Take my arrow, take my blade.
Carry and nest them in a cave,
Or drop them from that distant cliff,
Fall them on that faroff wave.”
“Brother Crow,
Eat my eyes for what I’ve seen
If you think you'll leave them clean.
This hill shall be a hallowed ground
And blind, I’ll hunt with my bare hands.
From this sun on, I cannot stay
I've seen the savage beast un-graved.
Seen slaughter in the sun and shade.
This land, now, is sacred ground.
This place where death brought truth profound --
I've seen the blood that blue coats shed.
My brothers, all, their blood was red.”

Today, I heard the old ones whispers
Mmmmmmaaaaaahooooooooopeeeooo to Wind.
I thought I heard the last one standing
Looking back from then
Upon a scene familiar
Calling to his friends,
“Brother Eagle, Brother Crow,
Take their arrows, take their bows.
Destroy the implements of war.
Clean their eyes that they might see
The truth that all kind, red does bleed.”
All KINDred bleeds.

[This message has been edited by iliana (07-15-2004 08:39 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 J.A.A.Powell - All Rights Reserved
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
1 posted 2004-07-15 05:08 AM


you tell a good story with your poetry,
are we at a particular battle?
Not that there weren't far too many between the blue and feathers before the ground was covered and talking began.
Enjoyed

Gloom

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2004-07-15 06:46 AM


Today, I heard the old ones whispers
Mmmmmmaaaaaahooooooooopeeeooo to Wind.

~*~

As warm as it is, and you leave me with chills....

Yes, which battle?  [Don't be coy and say "the last one..."]  

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
3 posted 2004-07-15 09:12 AM


iliana
A strong and excellent write and I would guess Indians for I am now reading about the Indian wars. Enjoyed

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
4 posted 2004-07-15 10:26 AM


I enjoyed this very much.  I am a history buff and you brought to life for me this sorrow of brothers fighting.  Yes, our blood all runs red, and we are all of the human race, brother, sisters, family, one and all.  Beautiful write, jo.

Hugs -- Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

kayjay
Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015
Oregon
5 posted 2004-07-15 10:29 AM


Ever since the world began
We've been warring, man to man
Those who write with scorn and spurn
Give us all some hope we learn.

I hope we do learn...someday.
Well told, Jo, I like your style.  Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

[This message has been edited by kayjay (07-15-2004 11:40 AM).]

JL
Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128
Texas, USA
6 posted 2004-07-15 11:34 AM


So enjoyable.  I like this story!  Great write.

JL



passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2004-07-15 12:28 PM


good story here
keep on writing!

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

8 posted 2004-07-15 12:29 PM


a tremendous read, filled with visions for the mind to savor...very much enjoyed
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
9 posted 2004-07-15 01:38 PM


Professor Gloom -  No particular battle; yet maybe all battles......Thanks, Gloom.

Sunshine - I think you hear them whisper, too.  

Seymour - Thank you, sir. I'm glad you enjoyed.  And you are correct.  

Susan - I'm glad you felt the point of the poem.  Your comment meant a lot to me.

kayjay - thank you for your post and verse.  You're very kind, Ken.  

[This message has been edited by iliana (07-17-2004 11:25 PM).]

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
10 posted 2004-07-15 01:41 PM


JL - Glad you liked it, thanks.  Have a great day!

Passing Shadows - I'll try!  Thanks for posting!

LeeJ - I am honored by your response, LeeJ, thank you.  

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
11 posted 2004-07-15 01:42 PM


iliana,
  I thought this was expertly written.  The words flowed with power.  Thoroughly enjoyed!
               misc'e

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
12 posted 2004-07-15 01:44 PM


Thanks, misc'e -- that was such a nice thing to say.   .....jo
Mistletoe Angel
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since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
13 posted 2004-07-15 02:32 PM




(big angel hugs) Oh Jo, being of Cherokee ancestry, this very much touched my heart, as it saddens me to see the people continue to war between one another and why can't cultural diffusion be negotiated in peace? (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, you speak with a sensitive and caring heart, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jo, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
14 posted 2004-07-15 02:37 PM


Excellent write Jo...very much enjoyed.
Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain ~

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
15 posted 2004-07-15 04:24 PM


Take their arrows, take their bows.
Destroy the implements of war.
Clean their eyes that they might see
The truth that all kind, red does bleed.”
All KINDred bleeds.

Excellent write! *S*

Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
16 posted 2004-07-15 05:26 PM


A very strong well written piece....
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
17 posted 2004-07-15 06:06 PM


Jo

This is excellent!!  

gingeranna
New Member
since 2004-07-02
Posts 3
Houston & Stockdale TX USA
18 posted 2004-07-15 09:08 PM


What a moving piece of writing! As I read it the first time, my heart was at first breaking along with the "last one standing," and then rejoicing with him in his new freedom.  As I read it the second time, my heart was breaking for all of us who are at war on this day, and aching for the same sort of freedom.

Thank you for such a thought-provoking message!

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
19 posted 2004-07-15 10:14 PM


Gingeranna -- Hi!  Welcome to PIP!  I can see you really thought about this poem.  Thank you so much for taking the time to read and post.   ......jo
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
20 posted 2004-07-15 10:18 PM


Mistletoe Angel -- You, my friend, are so kind and thoughtful in your post.  Thank you!  

Suthern - I thought of all the Indian PaintBrushes on a hill when I wrote this; I know you can visualize it, too.  Thanks for your post, sweet lady.  *smile*

Toe - thank you kindly, sir.  Your comment means a lot to me.  *hugs*

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
21 posted 2004-07-15 10:18 PM


Martie - I had a suspicion you might like it. Thanks.  *wink*   .....jo
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
22 posted 2004-07-15 10:20 PM


Nancy Lee, your comment is so much appreciated and I am glad you enjoyed the poem.   ....jo
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
23 posted 2004-07-16 12:32 PM


I could feel the primal beat in the rhythm of your words.

A riveting read! Well told story, lily lady!

Love, Light & Harmony,
Linda

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
24 posted 2004-07-17 02:18 AM


Earth Angel -- "Riveting" -- wow, that's a first for me, I think...... a riveting river lily.....hehehe --- Thank you so much for the sweet compliment for the work, Angel lady!   ......jo
Snowflake From Hell
Senior Member
since 2003-07-10
Posts 777
My own little Icey Oblivion
25 posted 2004-07-17 04:35 AM


excellent..very much enjoyed

Victims....aren't we all?

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
26 posted 2004-07-17 04:32 PM


Snowflake from Hell -- thank you for that, and for visiting.   ....jo
anwaarhassan
Member
since 2003-07-09
Posts 181
Menifee, CA
27 posted 2004-09-24 12:19 PM


Illiana,
Absolutely Brilliant !!!!!!!!!
I love this poem. Your style is also very rythmic and wonderful to read. Wow!! How did I miss this one...Well I guess I don't visit PIP that often...Maybe I should

Thank you for directing me to this...
Anwaar


iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
28 posted 2004-09-24 12:22 PM


You are so kind, Anwaar, thank you.  I just thought you would appreciate it because it speaks to the same issue of humanity.  ...jo
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

29 posted 2004-09-24 02:00 AM


Now isn't this just one of the finest things I've read lately.

A web of mythology and insightful use of archetype and symbolism along with the solid construction of this, and why am I talking like I'm a professor? (But I was seeing an underlying message of urgency to a Hero's Journey. )

Laughs and winks

You blew me away with this lady:

"“Brother Crow,
Eat my eyes for what I’ve seen
If you think you'll leave them clean."

Now that's some clever word play with an edge, with the implications between the lines as delicious as the rather morbid visual.



The personification throughout and just pure consistency and tone of meter rendered the message amplified, and hey? I just love the tone.

Great work jo jo.

The only complaint I'd have is that there's not enough of this...



Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
30 posted 2004-09-24 02:07 AM


I'm glad this came back, cuz I'd missed this one, Jo. WOW, what an amazing write. Such a truthful ending.

*am keepin this*

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
31 posted 2004-09-24 03:16 AM


Jo,
  I'm sure glad it came up again, too.  Are you sure we are sisters?  That quality never comes out of my pen.  I'm extremely jealous of your talent, HOWEVER, with all your hasseling, I am playing around with writing my first novel,  just for my own eyes to see if I can do it. Actually, a "novel" is the goal, but I might settle on a long prose!  I don't think I'll post it here because of it's length, but I do have one posted here about "Juana la Loca" (Ha, ha, there I gotcha again!!  Just kidding!) entitled Madness Across Time"!  It compares the queen with a mother involved in a train wreck.

  For this longterm goal,I decided to go with fiction, but with truth in setting and a few events.  Guess who one of the character's name is?  Yep,because I'm insanely jealous, I thought I'd use your middle name!  Gotcha!   I'm very proud of you, Sis.            
xoxoxoxoxo
cathy

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