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Open Poetry #33

Desair

Tania
New Member

since 2003-10-30

Posts 6

0 posted 2004-07-12 05:17 AM

Praying didn't help much did it?
The rain came and swept away the depression
Of yesterdays, of everyday things
Of mornings, lost in a haze
Of going, getting on with your life
Of habit, of general day to day
And tears are drided while dreams are unrealised
In one waking nightmare after another
And the mirror reflects back an older worman
thinking...
Where have the years gone?
Where are my dreams - shattered
On an island of everyday things.
Tania

Paper Tiger
Member

since 2003-09-28

Posts 77

1 posted 2004-07-12 05:31 AM

Not a bad effort, but it has a few spelling errors.

-drided should be dried
-unrealised should be unrealized
-worman should be woman

You have a good foundation, you just need to fix some of the structure.

In my eyes, I'm not lazy. In your eyes, I'm not worth it.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2004-07-12 12:39 PM

a write that I can relate to

and yes, do be careful of the typos

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