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Open Poetry #33
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Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2004-07-11 10:11 PM


The best place for writing poetry is on the bus
especially when leaving a loved one, especially
if you know you’ll go back there eventually,
in a week, in a month, or a year, but you must
know you’ll see her, otherwise, you won’t be able
to write with a clear head, -- assurance is key,
and unless you know that she’ll read it, it’ll be
merely a monologue and why waste the paper?
Begin the poem with separation, start it simply
with her eyes, her appearance, and slowly, continue
writing, selflessly giving it everything in you
out of selfishness, out of need for her sympathy.



Check out my poetry here:

http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master

[This message has been edited by Master (07-11-2004 11:59 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2004-07-11 11:14 PM


I loved the tone of this, how you opened all conversational and then evolved inward.

Just like boarding a bus, taking a seat, and watching the world go by through the window.

a kind of white noise buzz that I enjoyed much.

Nice to read you again.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2004-07-12 04:12 AM


but you never really know for sure that you'll see someone again
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
3 posted 2004-07-12 10:31 AM


I've seen you on the bus, in different body shapes, sizes and colors. You are the quintessential lost love.
Kellsue
Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 210
Waukesha, WI USA
4 posted 2004-07-12 12:02 PM


I see you on that bus, writing feverishly, telling yourself she will read it...whether it happens or not.  For it is what we tell ourselves to believe that sometimes gets us through things we don't want to believe.

Kelly

You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving
There is no danger of developing eye-strain from looking on the bright side of things

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
5 posted 2004-07-12 12:05 PM


Master
Enjoyed the read.

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