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SpitFire
Member Elite
since 04-19-2000
Posts 2428


0 posted 06-06-2000 08:36 PM       View Profile for SpitFire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for SpitFire

Try

doors closed
tightly locked
bolted
protecting her
keeping evil at bay
secret songs
deafly play
drowning evil's hate
purple tears
slip
slide out
fear behind
the eyes
behind the door
the lock
the evil
screams escape
terrified lungs
throat dry
burning
trying
lights dying
dark beyond
the music
beyond the dream
the evil
behind the door
fighting
eager to win
eager to gain
to lessen her
to overpower
to control
to teach
to invade
to steal
and mame
and hack and swallow
and taste and hate
and leave to cry
to wonder
to guilt
to deserve
to brake
to fall
to try
to be
her
before
the evil entered.

© Copyright 2000 SpitFire - All Rights Reserved
Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 03-16-2000
Posts 5900
Lansing, MI USA


1 posted 06-06-2000 11:01 PM       View Profile for Lone Wolf   Email Lone Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lone Wolf

Spit Fire,

Great poem, my friend!!  I love the format you used......perfect for this!!!     
Evil should always be kept at bay...

LW


 Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end.
--Michael W. Smith
kynder
Senior Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 535
Tallahassee, Florida


2 posted 06-06-2000 11:14 PM       View Profile for kynder   Email kynder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kynder

so vivid and real.  thank you.  you help me try once again.  


kynder

  The years teach much which the days never know. Ralph Waldo Emerson
lotharingia
Senior Member
since 06-04-2000
Posts 895
saarbruecken, Germany


3 posted 06-07-2000 04:22 AM       View Profile for lotharingia   Email lotharingia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit lotharingia's Home Page   View IP for lotharingia

This is really oppressive. As Spitfire said, the shape of the poem already conveys this. Love it.

 Uta Lotharingia
"Wir wollen nicht Wert und Sinn ... wir wollen Unwert und Unsinn"
Raoul Hausmann
SpitFire
Member Elite
since 04-19-2000
Posts 2428


4 posted 06-07-2000 07:05 PM       View Profile for SpitFire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SpitFire

~LW,...thanks for reading friend. .  Yeah, it should be and I try.  Take care.

~Kynder,...thank you for taking the time...and for the words. I appreciate it.  Take care.

~Lotharingia,...oppressive,..yeah..I know...sheesh.  Thank you for reading and repyling.....and for ???loving it.  Thanks.

*Peace.
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


5 posted 06-07-2000 11:56 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

The picture the format shows answers and fixes all doesn't it?  Great and interesting stuff her hon, well worth whatever effort and time you put into it!!  

 I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.....
~Isis~
(Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit)


SpitFire
Member Elite
since 04-19-2000
Posts 2428


6 posted 06-08-2000 01:45 AM       View Profile for SpitFire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SpitFire

~Hey Isis,...thanks for responding.  This one actually just fell out of my mouth...like throwing up my thoughts...ya?  The format just happened too...stange it made a pic....oh well. cool. Thanks for reading and taking the time. *Peace.
Jeffyf
Junior Member
since 05-28-2000
Posts 48
Muncie, IN


7 posted 06-08-2000 05:50 AM       View Profile for Jeffyf   Email Jeffyf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffyf

Short phrases, short words, it all makes sense.  I see this as saying we have to make many attempts and try every time.  It doesn't matter how hard we try, so long as it's our hardest.  I think it's great.  Tell me if this is totally different from what you saw it as.  Wonderful job, spit.
Jeffrey
SpitFire
Member Elite
since 04-19-2000
Posts 2428


8 posted 06-08-2000 10:18 PM       View Profile for SpitFire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SpitFire

~Jeffrey,...thank you so much for reading.  But before I tell the story of this I'd like to wait for Joel to read...I have faith he's not ignoring this...but merely out of town...so to speak. Hehe. Anyway,...yeah...a constant trying. Thanks again friend...for taking the time to read. . *Peace.
EagleOne
Member Elite
since 03-07-2000
Posts 2858
Between a laugh and a tear...


9 posted 06-09-2000 05:04 AM       View Profile for EagleOne   Email EagleOne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleOne

I thought I had replied to this one last night but it seems to be missing, ah well! here we go again!

This one brings forth feelings of uneasyness and apprehension. Interesting indeed! Love the format too!.

 God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Unknown


brian madden
Member Elite
since 05-06-2000
Posts 4532
ireland


10 posted 06-10-2000 07:16 AM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian madden

Phew....left breathless from this one.

Though glad I read it. The format is excellent it reads very well. Glad there were no commas.

Excellent poem.



 ------------------------
"I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else"-Richey Edwards

"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto

"Libraries gave us power
Then work came and made us free
What price now for a shallow piece of dignity"
Nicky Wire, A design for Life.

manic street preachers
"Rock 'n' roll is our epiphany
Culture, alienation, boredom and despair"

"To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

E.E Cummings.


Joel the wolf
Senior Member
since 04-06-2000
Posts 1341
Angels Camp


11 posted 06-11-2000 03:26 PM       View Profile for Joel the wolf   Email Joel the wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Joel the wolf's Home Page   View IP for Joel the wolf

Sounds like you have a great big beast hidden somewhere, not one I'd want to mess with, To keep it at bay, you must keep trying, in whatever you do. keep a chain on it, or it might get the best of you. But sometimes you can use it to do things inside. know what I mean.
ues the power it posses to do good within not let it use you, in the trying you can overcome.
love you kid.

Joel

 I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel.
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