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Untitled NotePad

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Ember
Junior Member
since 06-06-2000
[First Post] 11


0 posted 06-06-2000 03:11 PM       View Profile for Ember   Email Ember   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ember

When the pain feels like
a crutch for reality

It just hurts more
as i feel the pain grow inside of me

Broke down to a simpler form
destroyed and frayed

I feed you all you need
and you never have to pay

I believe in you, something
great i have found


In you is see the perfect
way to bring me down

My soul held on a stick
as a trophy that you dont deserve

No more left to use
toss me in the fire to be burned

© Copyright 2000 Ember - All Rights Reserved
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


1 posted 06-06-2000 07:09 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Welcome!! What a gut wrenching barrage of raw emotions in this one!!  Liked your style and descriptions/imagery.  Good stuff!!  

 I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.....
~Isis~
(Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit)


fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


2 posted 06-06-2000 08:35 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

I like your style of using such short lines.  They sort of stab the reader with powerful emotion.

In you is see the perfect
way to bring me down

My soul held on a stick
as a trophy that you dont deserve


These were very powerful lines.  Good writing!
SpitFire
Member Elite
since 04-19-2000
Posts 2428


3 posted 06-06-2000 09:03 PM       View Profile for SpitFire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SpitFire

~First,...welcome to the dark room.  . Wow,..this is such a powerful piece.  It's strikingly affecting. (That there may not be proper sentance structure but it's how I felt about it ).  Truly a great read...looking forward to more of your work. Take care. *Peace.
Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 1460
meet Morgana


4 posted 06-06-2000 11:45 PM       View Profile for Dark Enchantress   Email Dark Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dark Enchantress's Home Page   View IP for Dark Enchantress

Ember stinklz!!!!     hehehe...you know it's all outta love. Marvelous darling *claps* I hope you'll post more soon. Geez I feel like such a child...lol..I blame it on the camel.

But really Ember...tis a great poem...

Yours truly,
Angel


 Listen to your heart for it knows the way even when you don't.

~*Angel of Darkness*~






[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 06-06-2000).]
Ember
Junior Member
since 06-06-2000
Posts 11


5 posted 06-06-2000 11:54 PM       View Profile for Ember   Email Ember   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ember

Thank you all for your replies. Very much appreciated. Jaime thanx for being there for me   You know you have a piece of me that no one can ever find again.

Love Paul

P.S- leave the camel out of this,
AnGeLiX17
Junior Member
since 06-05-2000
Posts 46
Salisbury, NC


6 posted 06-07-2000 12:19 AM       View Profile for AnGeLiX17   Email AnGeLiX17   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AnGeLiX17

Ember... that rocked... keep writin babe and keep away from that poor goat... tsk tsk tsk
Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 1460
meet Morgana


7 posted 06-07-2000 12:22 AM       View Profile for Dark Enchantress   Email Dark Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Dark Enchantress's Home Page   View IP for Dark Enchantress

Awwww...don't make me get emotional now.   *hugglez* Well anywayz..."that's nice....really great work here...keep it up" happy?! lol Love ya!

Yours truly,
Jaime


 Listen to your heart for it knows the way even when you don't.

~*Angel of Darkness*~


Joel the wolf
Senior Member
since 04-06-2000
Posts 1341
Angels Camp


8 posted 06-12-2000 02:51 AM       View Profile for Joel the wolf   Email Joel the wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Joel the wolf's Home Page   View IP for Joel the wolf

no kid just do a little fire walking.
I feel your pain in this one.
great expression.

ps I sub part time in a trophy shop, and never found you there.
Joel.

 I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel.
kynder
Senior Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 535
Tallahassee, Florida


9 posted 06-12-2000 06:43 PM       View Profile for kynder   Email kynder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kynder

my soul held on a stick.... wow!!! what an image!!  i love this.  i can only wait with anticipation to see your future work!! welcome to dark!!

kynder

  The years teach much which the days never know. Ralph Waldo Emerson
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