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Passions in Poetry

Tears of Innocence

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Bunny
Junior Member
since 05-13-2000
Posts 30


0 posted 06-05-2000 07:15 PM       View Profile for Bunny   Email Bunny   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bunny

Last night you hurt me
Last night I cried
I cried for my unwanted ache
But the tears that I shed
Could not wash you away
They only burned pained memories of you into my mind
These memories haunt me,
And close out all my light
A shiver of fear runs down my spine
You are not welcome here
Last night you hurt me
Last night I cried
I cried the tears of innocence,
Which are not meant to be shed
You wont even think back on me,
But because of you,
Now I am dead
© Copyright 2000 Bunny - All Rights Reserved
Jana Tovey
Member
since 05-30-2000
Posts 257
USA


1 posted 06-05-2000 10:24 PM       View Profile for Jana Tovey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jana Tovey

This is such a sad lament.  It's so important to remember that we have to love ourselves enough that we never let anyone else devastate us to this degree.  I know this is hard.  I have been hurt, also, but never could I take that hurt and use it to end my own life.  If this reflects how you feel, get some help.
gothicmoth
Member
since 06-05-2000
Posts 91


2 posted 06-05-2000 11:10 PM       View Profile for gothicmoth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gothicmoth

"dead" doesn't necessarily conjure up "loss of life" for me. My first thoughts are of loss of self, ideals, or just "dead inside."
The line "You are not welcome here" makes me believe there is still fight left in the speaker and the ending lines, as well as the lack of punctuation, lead me to believe this is not the end of the story.
Bunny
Junior Member
since 05-13-2000
Posts 30


3 posted 06-06-2000 07:28 AM       View Profile for Bunny   Email Bunny   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bunny

Gothic Moth-
If you did not enjoy reading my poem then that's fine, whatever, but do not respond in a negative way.  You lack manners and the responses are supposed to be positive.  How dare you slice apart my poems in public view.  You are nothing more than a sick, ill mannered oaf with nothing better to do than pick others work apart to make yourself feel better.  Don't you EVEr respond to any more of my poems.  And what's more, my poems are a direct escape for me.  Posting them here and reading POSITIVE comments, which are the ONLY comments you are supposed to be posting, makes me happy, which is quite an accomplishment.  You have successfully managed to ruin this poem for me andf quite possibly any other chance of me posting another.  It's a shame there are people like you to ruin others little piece of happiness.
lotharingia
Senior Member
since 06-04-2000
Posts 895
saarbruecken, Germany


4 posted 06-06-2000 08:21 AM       View Profile for lotharingia   Email lotharingia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit lotharingia's Home Page   View IP for lotharingia

I think you are overreacting here. I don't know about anyone else, but I can't read anything negative into Gothic Moth's comments.
gothicmoth
Member
since 06-05-2000
Posts 91


5 posted 06-06-2000 12:19 PM       View Profile for gothicmoth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gothicmoth

I can see where "lack of punctuation" could possibly be taken negatively. I, however, was referring to it as a technique, not a gramatical error. I respond to poems that move me and have some meaning to me at this point in time. I read the guidelines twice before posting and three more times today. While I didn't miss anything, some phrasing seems subjective to me. For instance, perhaps the moderators could define terms like "glorify" for newcomers like myself. Or perhaps it is time to modify the guidelines.  
Portia
Member
since 05-18-2000
Posts 157


6 posted 06-06-2000 12:35 PM       View Profile for Portia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Portia

I think I have to agree with gothicmoth. The poem implies to me as well that there is fight left, that the speaker only believes she(?) has died inside. I think what gothicmoth was getting at is that we see no definitive, true, physical death for the speaker, but still that's a feeling we can all relate to. At some point or another we have all felt so used and so mistreated we feel we can never love again, and that is a death all on its own. Bunny, gothicmoth was only referring to experience, not making ugly comments about your poem.
SpitFire
Member Elite
since 04-19-2000
Posts 2428


7 posted 06-06-2000 12:51 PM       View Profile for SpitFire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SpitFire

~I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to get involved but,...I have to agree with the others.  You see, the first time I read Gothicmoth's reply my immediate reaction was wow,...this person knows how to really read poetry.  Not just skim through it, but look for a deeper meaning. I never once thought it at all negative.  The first line of the reply seems to be just relating in some way to your poem but with a bit of a different feel....but still relating somehow from some experience.  As for the rest,...I found this all to be a greater deeper reading into a poem....which just goes to show that somehow your work effected the reader enough to think...especially in a deeper meaning.  By the way...I enjoyed the poem...it was gripping and heartfelt. Take care. *Peace.
a-alibaster
Member
since 01-08-2000
Posts 399


8 posted 06-06-2000 01:20 PM       View Profile for a-alibaster   Email a-alibaster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit a-alibaster's Home Page   View IP for a-alibaster

I do not mean to offend the writter in any way...but I did not see gothicmoths responde negative. I found it rather encouraging and the it stated that the writter had left the puncuation as a way of saying that the life/story had not ended as of yet.
Maybe my interpritaion is off....


 There is an alter ego which
dwells in every soul...
a-alibaster

~Venus~
Member
since 01-27-2000
Posts 125


9 posted 06-06-2000 04:32 PM       View Profile for ~Venus~   Email ~Venus~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ~Venus~'s Home Page   View IP for ~Venus~

Told myself I wasn't going to get involved, look where I am now. But, I like the poem, I really do. But I can't see Gothic moth's response as negative. I've read it over, and over, but...understand. GM wasn't trying to be negative.

If it counts, I do like the poem.
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


10 posted 06-06-2000 07:27 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Welcome Bunny!!!  Loved this piece, but you are not dead physically, you are not dead emotionally or spiritually...  just shell shocked, the dust will settle and with hope and love you'll see the light again...  
Great work  

 I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.....
~Isis~
(Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit)


Bunny
Junior Member
since 05-13-2000
Posts 30


11 posted 06-06-2000 08:23 PM       View Profile for Bunny   Email Bunny   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bunny

I'm sorry to those I obviously seemed to offend, but I took your comments as a beating to my poem and I would simply like to ask you not to respond to my poems if you didn't enjoy reading it.
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


12 posted 06-11-2000 04:24 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Poetry is quite a subjective entity, isn't it?  The writer has a specific intent to his/her words, and each individual reader gleans an equally unique inference.

In this particular piece, Bunny, you had very personal feelings you were expressing.  Gothicmoth had an interpretation.  Both are equally valid.  

I must say that the philosophy of Passions is not that "all comments should be positive".  We encourage everyone to express themselves as they see fit.  We ask only that we respect each other and that we refrain from posting work that glorifies violent acts.  

We certainly encourage comments about the content of posted poems, but we fully expect that such comments will not denigrate the author.

Bunny, I see that you've expressed yourself in this poem with truly heartfelt sentiments. These feelings are obviously very deep-rooted, and you've put those feelings into words nicely.

Gothicmoth posted on your poem with honest observations of individual interpretation.  I personally see no intention to offend you as the author; I rather find the comments to be sincere and ingenuous.

We have many hundreds of people posting here at Passions.  We don't expect everyone to get along all the time; but we do hope that everyone can avoid enscripting personal attacks.
~Venus~
Member
since 01-27-2000
Posts 125


13 posted 06-11-2000 05:18 PM       View Profile for ~Venus~   Email ~Venus~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ~Venus~'s Home Page   View IP for ~Venus~

I don't know about anyone else, but I did enjoy reading this poem. I was just trying to say that Gothicmoth wasn't trying to be negative. I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way.
Joel the wolf
Senior Member
since 04-06-2000
Posts 1341
Angels Camp


14 posted 06-13-2000 12:50 PM       View Profile for Joel the wolf   Email Joel the wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Joel the wolf's Home Page   View IP for Joel the wolf

hell to far back to remember my tears of innocence's kid.
but not dead inside, you are alive in this poem.
your pain is expressed well, something we all share here, Please don't be to harsh in others that might be in the same way as you are. I know more than most how hard it is to just breath at times, much less put yourself out to display with your feelings raw on the ends, but a kind word goes a lot farther, remember the old saying about honey.
it's true especially here. We are all guilty of saying the right/wrong words at times and then misunderstood by ourselves and others. But just take a breath of air and know that someone else is taking that same breath of pain also.
I love your work kid, you have the insight and way with pen to express yourself, in all manners. use it wisely.

love ya kid.
I'll give this a HHHHHHHHOOOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLLLing great view.

Joel.

 I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel.
 
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