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Dark Poetry #1
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Tears of Innocence
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Tears of Innocence |
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Bunny Junior Member
since 2000-05-13
Posts 30 |
Last night you hurt me Last night I cried I cried for my unwanted ache But the tears that I shed Could not wash you away They only burned pained memories of you into my mind These memories haunt me, And close out all my light A shiver of fear runs down my spine You are not welcome here Last night you hurt me Last night I cried I cried the tears of innocence, Which are not meant to be shed You wont even think back on me, But because of you, Now I am dead |
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| © Copyright 2000 Bunny - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
This is such a sad lament. It's so important to remember that we have to love ourselves enough that we never let anyone else devastate us to this degree. I know this is hard. I have been hurt, also, but never could I take that hurt and use it to end my own life. If this reflects how you feel, get some help. |
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gothicmoth Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 89 |
"dead" doesn't necessarily conjure up "loss of life" for me. My first thoughts are of loss of self, ideals, or just "dead inside." The line "You are not welcome here" makes me believe there is still fight left in the speaker and the ending lines, as well as the lack of punctuation, lead me to believe this is not the end of the story. |
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Bunny Junior Member
since 2000-05-13
Posts 30 |
Gothic Moth- If you did not enjoy reading my poem then that's fine, whatever, but do not respond in a negative way. You lack manners and the responses are supposed to be positive. How dare you slice apart my poems in public view. You are nothing more than a sick, ill mannered oaf with nothing better to do than pick others work apart to make yourself feel better. Don't you EVEr respond to any more of my poems. And what's more, my poems are a direct escape for me. Posting them here and reading POSITIVE comments, which are the ONLY comments you are supposed to be posting, makes me happy, which is quite an accomplishment. You have successfully managed to ruin this poem for me andf quite possibly any other chance of me posting another. It's a shame there are people like you to ruin others little piece of happiness. |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
I think you are overreacting here. I don't know about anyone else, but I can't read anything negative into Gothic Moth's comments. |
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gothicmoth Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 89 |
I can see where "lack of punctuation" could possibly be taken negatively. I, however, was referring to it as a technique, not a gramatical error. I respond to poems that move me and have some meaning to me at this point in time. I read the guidelines twice before posting and three more times today. While I didn't miss anything, some phrasing seems subjective to me. For instance, perhaps the moderators could define terms like "glorify" for newcomers like myself. Or perhaps it is time to modify the guidelines. |
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Portia Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 157 |
I think I have to agree with gothicmoth. The poem implies to me as well that there is fight left, that the speaker only believes she(?) has died inside. I think what gothicmoth was getting at is that we see no definitive, true, physical death for the speaker, but still that's a feeling we can all relate to. At some point or another we have all felt so used and so mistreated we feel we can never love again, and that is a death all on its own. Bunny, gothicmoth was only referring to experience, not making ugly comments about your poem. |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to get involved but,...I have to agree with the others. You see, the first time I read Gothicmoth's reply my immediate reaction was wow,...this person knows how to really read poetry. Not just skim through it, but look for a deeper meaning. I never once thought it at all negative. The first line of the reply seems to be just relating in some way to your poem but with a bit of a different feel....but still relating somehow from some experience. As for the rest,...I found this all to be a greater deeper reading into a poem....which just goes to show that somehow your work effected the reader enough to think...especially in a deeper meaning. By the way...I enjoyed the poem...it was gripping and heartfelt. Take care. *Peace. |
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a-alibaster Member
since 2000-01-08
Posts 392 |
I do not mean to offend the writter in any way...but I did not see gothicmoths responde negative. I found it rather encouraging and the it stated that the writter had left the puncuation as a way of saying that the life/story had not ended as of yet. Maybe my interpritaion is off.... There is an alter ego which dwells in every soul... a-alibaster |
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~Venus~ Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 128 |
Told myself I wasn't going to get involved, look where I am now. But, I like the poem, I really do. But I can't see Gothic moth's response as negative. I've read it over, and over, but...understand. GM wasn't trying to be negative. If it counts, I do like the poem. |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Welcome Bunny!!! Loved this piece, but you are not dead physically, you are not dead emotionally or spiritually... just shell shocked, the dust will settle and with hope and love you'll see the light again... Great work  I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn..... ~Isis~ (Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Bunny Junior Member
since 2000-05-13
Posts 30 |
I'm sorry to those I obviously seemed to offend, but I took your comments as a beating to my poem and I would simply like to ask you not to respond to my poems if you didn't enjoy reading it. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Poetry is quite a subjective entity, isn't it? The writer has a specific intent to his/her words, and each individual reader gleans an equally unique inference. In this particular piece, Bunny, you had very personal feelings you were expressing. Gothicmoth had an interpretation. Both are equally valid. I must say that the philosophy of Passions is not that "all comments should be positive". We encourage everyone to express themselves as they see fit. We ask only that we respect each other and that we refrain from posting work that glorifies violent acts. We certainly encourage comments about the content of posted poems, but we fully expect that such comments will not denigrate the author. Bunny, I see that you've expressed yourself in this poem with truly heartfelt sentiments. These feelings are obviously very deep-rooted, and you've put those feelings into words nicely. Gothicmoth posted on your poem with honest observations of individual interpretation. I personally see no intention to offend you as the author; I rather find the comments to be sincere and ingenuous. We have many hundreds of people posting here at Passions. We don't expect everyone to get along all the time; but we do hope that everyone can avoid enscripting personal attacks. |
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~Venus~ Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 128 |
I don't know about anyone else, but I did enjoy reading this poem. I was just trying to say that Gothicmoth wasn't trying to be negative. I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way. |
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Joel the wolf Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 1333Angels Camp |
hell to far back to remember my tears of innocence's kid. but not dead inside, you are alive in this poem. your pain is expressed well, something we all share here, Please don't be to harsh in others that might be in the same way as you are. I know more than most how hard it is to just breath at times, much less put yourself out to display with your feelings raw on the ends, but a kind word goes a lot farther, remember the old saying about honey. it's true especially here. We are all guilty of saying the right/wrong words at times and then misunderstood by ourselves and others. But just take a breath of air and know that someone else is taking that same breath of pain also. I love your work kid, you have the insight and way with pen to express yourself, in all manners. use it wisely. love ya kid. I'll give this a HHHHHHHHOOOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLLLing great view. Joel. I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel. |
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