My Endless Pursuit
I dreamt of you again last night.
Why are you always crying in my dreams.
That feeling of futility
It has never left me.
We stand in a place
Illuminated but devoid of background
You're wearing that favourite dark blue
I can almost smell you.
I sometimes wonder
If you know how I cried.
You missed her funeral,
I'm sorry, did you know she died.
I get cold when my mind reels toward you,
The feeling is so involuntary
Oh god why did I have to lose you.
Sure we didn't speak for six months
That was my stupidity at play
All I wanted to do was hold you
And hear you say, I love you.
But you're gone into eternal mists
My ride is alone this year
I can't handle anyone else
The yearning for you
Is always more than a single tear.
Casting back to the past
I remember ironbark trees
Bumper cars, and wolverines.
I remember chasing you through the crowd
That first touch, no voice, not a sound.
It felt like electricity leaping
I swear my heart skipped a beat
The first time you teased my lips apart
And kissed me on the cheek.
I remember California
You remind me of Alaska
Cold, beautiful, and snow topped peaks.
Oh god how I remember.
I miss your smell
And the feel of your hand.
The touch of your feet
Do you remember being sad?
Then we managed to wreck it again
That time for good.
There were no other pills to take
So we swallowed the one that made us ill.
Now we are gone our separate ways
I sometimes wonder if I should have stayed.
If by some miracle you're watching me
I beg you to read over my should,... please.
Why do I always promise
these poems to be "the last"
When I know very well
my heart will never start.