~A Portrait of Complacency~
She starts her day...the exact same way...
drowsily stumbling down the hall,
2 cups of coffee, 2 antidepressants, and 2 Tylenol.
Still unsure of just when ... she lost complete control,
not realizing the pain of the past had finally taken its toll.
She consoles herself with the all too often release of her tears...
but crying alone cant bring her back--from too many losses in too few years.
So she sits and stares out the window for hours upon end...
and in her journal writes love letters, she will never send.
There was a time when she knew love's sweet intensity...
but that too was taken away...so many things seem--not meant to be.
She holds on to his memory, a treasured secret she will never share,
She learned a long time ago...her life would never be fair.
She's never been a beauty...no ones fantasy or dream--
still she was intriguing, like the butterfly tattoo on her breast, so few had ever seen.
Many were drawn to her, sensing the depth of her need and desire,
but this kind of love is hard to hold, and eventually they too would tire.
Content to be alone, she exchanges company for creating her words of rhyme,
she writes in her diary for hours, completely unaware of the passing of time.
She has always had this gift of being able to capture in ink-her hearts many expressions.
With in the journal pages lie a view into her soul and hearts true confession.
Inspiration now momentarily lost, to her mind desperately needing rest...
another day gone, seemingly without a trace...getting thru the night, her next test.
She'll end this day...the exact same way...
exhausted, she'll stumble back down the hall...
2 shots of gin, 2 sleeping pills, and 2 more Tylenol.
If sleep comes she will accept it, if not she will be fine...
she'll write in her journal by candle, begging inspiration for more verse and rhyme.
Don't feel so sorry for her, the poetry has kept her alive and sane.
She is content here inside herself...she prays that tomorrow will be the same.
Janet Marie 2/25/00
This was the result of an assignment from a writing workshop I took recently. The goal was to describe an image of something very drab or void of color and scenery... to give a sense of the mundane or boring, but to include emotions. We were to use as few "colorful" or descriptive adjectives as possible.
I just want to say, this is not a reflection of my life, while much of "Me" is woven in the emotions, this is not a self portrait...but I am always aware, but for the grace of God and my writing...it could be...(smile)
Thank you to all who take the time to read this one,as I know it is rather long.
take care, Janet Marie
now where did I put that Tylenol...
...there are places inside all our souls...
that have never been touched...
there are places inside our hearts...
that need to be loved this much...
*I miss you baby...
I love you, always.*