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Summer ship
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Summer ship |
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Artur Hawkwing Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444USA |
pre-p.s.- This is a strange poem I recently wrote without any goals except to write feelings down. I just want to know what your thoughts and feelings were about this piece. ---------------------------------------------------- "Summer ship" A feverish summer blue as the oceans, blue as the waters glittering as pure as the sun's shine and as strong as its severe tempests; the storms roll past with fierce wind dark as night, farewell as the eye of the hurricane sweeps past and no more is seen; my hands reach out, weak and holding the rain that falls lightly on my palm with love that is never known on Earth; raging rain and thunder claps as my hair soaks wet, my eyes long for the comforting words that will never be heard on Earth; the ocean waves crash and they gnash against the shores, lightning and rain rage ever on in my own heart; far, far from home, I sail upon the high seas with the wheel in front of me, and the stars above; Orion's Belt shines elegantly with a king's grace, as small white flames in the sky vastly form the zodiac; the storm scatters away and I sit against the starboard and the wheel turns and the stars move in their silent sleep. The Pacific clouds calmly hover in this forgotten world, the sea spray blows against my face, as I laugh madly; so far the clouds are, yet tilting they float like a balloon as courage like fire sprouts and I grab the ropes; somehow, I slide down the rope, all the way to the deck- the sunlight reflects on the ship as I land on my feet solid; and chuckle at this jest, enjoying the risk I just took- then looking up where I came from, I look in horror unspeakable; for I took a risk I never would take if I had not felt like laughing- and offboard I threw myself into the sky underneath. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Artur Hawkwing - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
very well written, rich in imagery and vision.very good expression of the emotions, mixed with the images of the sea and sky. great job. take care, janet marie "...we were born before the wind...also younger than the sun... and my heart you have won...as we sailed into the mystic... I just want to rock your gypsy soul- just like in the days of old... and together we will float-into the mystic... Van Morrison |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Sometimes writing down your feelings is the only goal you shall have. I know that is my goal a lot of the time. Joy |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Hey Hawk, good to see you!! I loved the imagery in this. I felt the inner turmoil and the battle, the ending ?? I felt you lost the battle. Is this on the right track?? Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Artur Hawkwing Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444USA |
Janet, thank you, your words are a great honor to hear! Joy, I agree with you on that.. sometimes it's better than nothing. Thank you! Isis, good to see you too! I really don't know why I ended it like I did because I had no goals but um.. what happened was in the first two stanzas, the tempests had already swept by and then I reflected upon the bitter experience and my heart was a tempest all of its own. Then the rain fell lightly and that felt pretty darn good. I fell asleep on the starboard as the stars rotated slowly overhead. Then I had a dream that I was on top of the mast and laughing while the sun was up high in the sky, and I did an incredible feat by sliding down the rope down to deck like in a circus stunt. But as I looked up, in the dream, I realized my head was spinning and I felt like I was brave only when I didn't know it. Then the emotion took over in the end and I dove into the ocean (the sky underneath). It's really a switch between reality/dream so there's no real tragic ending except in the dream I threw myself into the sea, whereas I wouldn't do that in reality. |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Well I was right to my satisfaction then!!  Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
the storm scatters away and I sit against the starboard and the wheel turns and the stars move in their silent sleep. Nice piece Artur. I felt as if I were sitting starboard too. Jennifer |
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Artur Hawkwing Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444USA |
It was a pleasure of mine, thank you for pulling out that stanza, Jennifer. I like that one too, kind of echoes a memory.. |
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