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armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee

0 posted 2000-01-21 11:41 AM


I sat down today
and thought about what was said.
I thought about my feelings
and your unfeelings.

And if feelings even exist.
Maybe there is no such thing as love.
And i'm just lost.
Where do tears come from?
Some kind of program
am i failing the test?

So, I ask you one thing
share your heart with me
I won't take up much space
Show me i'm not living in vain
I need to know love is out there
even if it's not there for me.

Maybe my answer lies
in the crackerjack box.
A sticker with a
shiny, glittery heart,
with a glaze of
you can't destroy me face.

Where did I go wrong
Help me find my way
or just LEAVE!
I will not be responsible
for your helplessness.

A finer day is in store
someday...
You might love
if you let go of your fear

And i'll be out of your way
a thought gone by
from your days of the dead.
a resentful sigh
is to much for me.

You will never look
into my eyes
and know your place in me
Because you don't care enough
to know me.


And everyday that goes by
is one day closer..
when you will feel nothing
and your problems
will be resolved.
And i'll be left
to spend my days
with the dead.


Carman



[This message has been edited by armanca (edited 01-24-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Carman - All Rights Reserved
JD
Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 61
N Prov
1 posted 2000-01-21 11:58 AM


Strage but i like it

JD



 Everything Dies



armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
2 posted 2000-01-21 01:13 PM


Thanks?  *smile*  Is strange good or bad...in your mind?  I suppose everything might be strange to people when they don't know the context.

Carman

Vampire'sMistress
Junior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 19

3 posted 2000-01-21 03:33 PM


hi carmen

what about?

*together or alone*

perhaps anyone will have a better one..but that was in my mind while reading.

Vampire'sMistress
Junior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 19

4 posted 2000-01-21 03:37 PM


uups...sorry for my mistake: CARMAN *lol*
thx also for your comment on my poem.
Take care,

VM

FreeByrd
Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 267

5 posted 2000-01-21 04:15 PM


I like this very much Carman.

How about a variation on VM's suggestion?

"Together Alone"

 There must be some kinda way out of here... say the joker to the thief

There's to much confusion, I can't get no relief

- Hendrix



Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
6 posted 2000-01-21 06:13 PM


OR 'Together Yet Alone'    

 Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely.
~Isis~
(Sovereign of the Spirit)


Bojopy
Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 391

7 posted 2000-01-22 01:16 AM


Good suggestions have been said and I think they relate to this topic but I have one more... "Alaned Alone Awaiting"  What do you think?

 

"Write down what you say if what you say is not written down" (Bojopy)


armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
8 posted 2000-01-22 05:37 AM


VM...Thanks for your suggestion.  I"m thinking about that.  Maybe "desolate" instead of alone...now i need another word for together.


Carman

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
9 posted 2000-01-22 07:18 AM


Hi Carman this is a wonderful poem and it makes me think about "Missed Love".  Take care...James
armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
10 posted 2000-01-22 09:24 AM


Thanks for the Suggestions...Thank you bojopy and james.  *smile*  I'm haven't quite found a title that just hit me though.


Carman

spiked
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873
Hammond, La USA
11 posted 2000-01-23 03:49 AM


Like the poem
First thought was Fearing love for a name.
just a thought
Rich

Jannel
Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492
Muncie, IN, USA
12 posted 2000-01-23 11:36 AM


The style is very unique. Very conversational. I like it. My suggestion would be "Unfeelings" because that's the word that stuck in my mind.
Jannel

armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
13 posted 2000-01-23 12:41 PM


What do you guys think of

"Dance of the Doomed"??????

-for the title that is.

Thanks Jannel...That one is good also.

armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
14 posted 2000-01-24 05:10 PM


"Unfeelings"...or "Dance of the Doomed"


What do ya'll think?


Please reply


Carman

armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
15 posted 2000-01-24 06:22 PM


Ok...I think I'm going with "Dance of the Doomed".  You think it works?


Carman

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
16 posted 2000-01-29 06:24 AM


Carman I think Dance of the Doomed" is a good choice.  Fits well with the mood of this poem.  James
armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
17 posted 2000-01-30 07:45 PM


thank you James..I rather like the title too.


Carman

poetry_kills
Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
18 posted 2000-01-30 11:15 PM


carman: although i'm sure my response will be lost in the sea of others, these people knew a good poem when they saw it... this is lovely... melancholy... and all around morbid... i love it!!    

sincerely,
jerome the boy with the radiation suit

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
19 posted 2000-02-02 10:58 PM


Poetry_Kills...May I call you Jerome?  *Smile*  Again...How do I begin to thank you for all the kind words and comments about my work.  I appreciate it more than you know.


Carman

poetry_kills
Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
20 posted 2000-02-02 11:06 PM


carman: no need for thanks... just keep writing and posting and i'll be content... (and if i ever let one slip by, hunt me down and tell me where to find it)... you're quite the gifted writer (and i dont tell just anyone that)...

sincerely,
jerome the boy with the kiwi kool-aid

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

shock gospel
Junior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 33

21 posted 2000-02-03 02:10 AM


On the matter of, "You might love, if you let go of your fear" it is said that perfect love casts out fear, that powerful a love can only come from above and once recieved brings the peace to give love, to a frightened world.
                   Peace: shock gospel

 

armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
22 posted 2000-02-03 11:41 PM


Shock:  I might love if I let go of my fear... Hmmm.  I don't if that is my problem at all.  


Carman

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