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JOY 14
Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA

0 posted 1999-12-27 08:10 PM


Quiet
Muffled screams
Escape
From the wounded boy
Lasting
Because
The pain is too great
Can't let the sound travel
Quiet
Muffled screams
Escape along with
Tears
Of
Shame


 JOY


© Copyright 1999 Kristen Joy Jacobus - All Rights Reserved
Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
1 posted 1999-12-27 08:21 PM



  Wow, Joy 14, I was very impressed with your poem.  Excellent flow, probably the best poem I have read so far that flowed so well off of my tongue.  Every thing fit so well.  Is this poem about an experience you had or about someone else?, you mention the boy, not you.  I can't choose a favourite line because every line is essential to this piece, every line is equally perfect.  I really look  forward to readng more poems of yours.

           * Melissa Honeybee *

JOY 14
Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA
2 posted 1999-12-27 08:34 PM


Melissa,
No.  This was not an experience of my own, but something so provoking, so "screaming" out from the page, about this boy without an identity, that I had to write a poem about it.  

Btw, I'm glad you liked it so much.

 JOY


Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
3 posted 1999-12-27 08:42 PM


Joy this was wonderful  
So moving and so sad for him..

 At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. (Plato)
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)


lily
Junior Member
since 1999-12-27
Posts 16
united states
4 posted 1999-12-27 11:19 PM


i like the way that this poem is staccato, and almost broken up like someone whispering in between breaths.  
Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
5 posted 1999-12-28 08:19 AM


Excellent Joy. . . you have described the terror and the shame perfectly. . .

It's amazing what can be done with the right words. . . the stacatto is quite good. . . powerful. . .

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


Rebecca
New Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 7
Florida
6 posted 1999-12-29 11:56 AM


WOW - you captured something so BIG so quickly !
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
7 posted 2000-01-02 06:05 PM


Wow, the essance of pain...this is a beautiful work.


Michael

JOY 14
Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA
8 posted 2000-01-03 06:07 PM


Thank you, Isis, lily, Sven, Rebbeca, and Michael!

 JOY


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