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starboards
Member
since 1999-10-14
Posts 467
longwood, florida

0 posted 1999-10-17 12:46 PM


I hide it away
and dont let it show
But the hurt I feel inside
just wont let go

I'm happy during the day
but I cry to myself at night
I tell myself I'm over you
and I'll be alright

Lying to myself
seems like the best thing to do
When I'm dying inside
and cant get over you



[This message has been edited by starboards (edited 10-21-1999).]

© Copyright 1999 Ashley Keenan - All Rights Reserved
Lucie
Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077
Houston
1 posted 1999-10-17 10:57 AM


Letting go is the hardest thing to do. Unfortunately love can not be turned on and off like a faucet. Although some people seem to have that ability. It will get better, I promise. Just keep smiling, soon they feed over to your nights too.
JennyLee
Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.
2 posted 1999-10-17 11:50 AM


We all have a way of lying to ourselves.
It's our defense mechanism to keep us sane. I really liked how you put this into words!
Welcome

Jenny

suicidal dreams
Member
since 1999-09-28
Posts 343
Toledo Ohio USA
3 posted 1999-10-17 03:05 PM


Love is odd, but love shall find.At least i hope it finds.
Great write and read. keep postin

------------------
life is short kill quick

wolfie97
Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 58
Newcastle, WY USA
4 posted 1999-10-18 09:02 PM


Very good, and oh so true. I can relate, for I am going through the same right now. Keep up the good work! I emjoyed it truely.

------------------

Garrett 'sneaky' Gall

Deverone
Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 136
San Antonio, Tx, USA
5 posted 1999-10-19 08:04 AM


Very nice . It does get a little better with time. The heart can heal, but you will be the one to make the decision when that time will be.
Your words were/are truly felt.



------------------
Deverone

"We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out".

----Ray Bradbury---



Laughter
New Member
since 1999-10-20
Posts 4
moline,Il,usa
6 posted 1999-10-20 07:53 PM


Letting go is tough but sooner or later it will all get better.

But I can so relate to your words!


(I'm new to this)
Laughter

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
7 posted 1999-10-21 06:48 AM


Well, Starboards, when someone asks for a response I assume they want critique. The poem is good in content but the form could be more consistent. You capitalize the start of some sentences, but then some you don't...same with the use of the letter "I".
The words "and not" in the second line doesn't fit grammatically. I would change it to...

I hide it away
to not let it show ....or

I hide it away
and don't let it show

The message was well conveyed, though. I enjoyed the read.



------------------
Michael Anderson

Is all that we see or seem
but a dream within a dream?




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