My Ache For the Blade - pipTalk Forums

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DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

0 posted 1999-08-18 06:27 AM

I cast longing glances at the blade
awestruck by it's
simple beauty.
Each loving caress of the constant
unchanging
hardness of the knife
moves my icy soul to a more perfect
marriage with the blade.
My lips touch this loyal and
worthy
partner in what presages
an act of primal
union with this
jealous lover.
A quick, unfeeling motion
grants me her
kiss
an ecstasy of anticipated
delight
brought on by her gentle touch
that tenderly
sliced into my flesh.
With near sexual release
her kiss
eases my ache
for the blade.

©1999 DreamEvil

------------------
Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings?
DreamEvil©

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

1 posted 1999-08-18 10:22 AM

Yeah, I remember this one from the Critical Analysis forum. It had potential to be a magnificent work of free verse - too bad you didn't take the time to do a bit more work on it before reposting it.

------------------
Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
JP

DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

2 posted 1999-08-18 10:56 AM

One should never think their own opinion to be Gospel.

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

3 posted 1999-08-18 12:53 PM

I guess this confirmst the saying: "Poeta nasciture, non fit."

------------------
Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
JP

wayoutwalt
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

4 posted 1999-08-18 04:14 PM

um yuh i like it but i guess i would...cuz its good

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

5 posted 1999-08-18 04:16 PM

I fully enjoyed this piece, DreamEvil.
Hope to see much more of your work here.

Michael

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

6 posted 1999-08-18 04:22 PM

I think the improvements you made were excellent. Nice free verse, Dream.

------------------
*Krista Knutson*

"If I could be an angel, I'd make your every wish come true. But I am only human, just a woman lovin' you..." Trisha Yearwood

IsabelleSkye
Member

since 1999-06-27

Posts 253

7 posted 1999-08-18 11:06 PM

DE
I can really relate to this. It fits my mood sometimes to a T.
Luv Izzy

Majere
Junior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 32

8 posted 1999-08-20 01:47 PM

I liked this one. I went to the Critical Analysis forum to read what JP said and I think he (she?) did have a good point.

It would read a lot better with some changes.

Overall it was pretty good.

------------------
Such is the way to immortality ;)

JennyLee
Senior Member

since 1999-09-01

Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.

9 posted 1999-10-02 09:47 PM

Hey D. Evil....so descriptive, I could see
my reflection in the blade...
I really adore the way you can so easily put into words the dark side of layered emotions.

Jenny

[This message has been edited by JennyLee (edited 10-02-1999).]

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

10 posted 1999-10-02 09:51 PM

Nothing can ease my ache for the blade...good job Dream, who cares what anyone else says.

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

"Something sweet, something sort of grandish, sweeps my soul when thou art near..."

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