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Passions in Poetry

Perfect endings

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Duncan
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since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


0 posted 06-27-2004 10:06 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Duncan


She crossed my mind the other day
and before I could abbreviate the thought,
Id remembered her face,
her voice, her kiss
and how she said good-bye
a dozen times
before she got it right.

I thought of her on a summer night
when lampposts swirled in Van Gogh rings
against a starless sky,
the ache of desire
sweet as satisfaction.

And as loss stirred
faint embers
among the hearts and keys,
I poured a rum and Coke
and told myself
that perfect endings
are just a matter
of knowing when to leave.
© Copyright 2004 Duncan - All Rights Reserved
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


1 posted 06-27-2004 10:31 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Duncan

Smiling at the oxymoron in perfect and ending....and even when the door is closed, the memories remain.  
Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


2 posted 06-27-2004 10:40 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

intresting
Nightshade
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since 08-31-2001
Posts 14673
just out of reach


3 posted 06-27-2004 10:48 PM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

I thought of her on a summer night
when lampposts swirled in Van Gogh rings
against a starless sky,


Ooooh, love this. Another keeper. hugs, Chris

   Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.
                                          Hans Christian Anderson

iliana
Member Patricius
since 12-05-2003
Posts 13488
USA


4 posted 06-27-2004 10:58 PM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

Duncan, great write!  Made me think of Casa Blanca!   ......jo
Enchantress
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since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


5 posted 06-27-2004 11:09 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Excellent...excellent write!
Loved it!
Hugs~

Something tugs at me, I've no doubt of that.
Something from the sea, whichever one I'm near.
When I stray too far from beachland, it calls me back

passing shadows
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since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


6 posted 06-28-2004 02:54 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

damn, you got that right!

and most of us just don't know
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


7 posted 06-28-2004 04:04 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

The problem is, the perfect ending always leave me wanting more...yanno?

sure y'do.

Buy me a drink?

and play it again, Sam.



out of all the poetry sites on the internet...

(couldn't resist)

great poem.

perfect ending.

can I have some more?



sigh.

I'll try to sleep now. (my head feels like a pinball machine)
Tiersdin
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since 11-17-2000
Posts 2476
east coast


8 posted 06-28-2004 06:57 AM       View Profile for Tiersdin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tiersdin

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder...  someone was wrong, right?

*chuckling*

loved every line, Dunc.

~tier
Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


9 posted 06-28-2004 08:00 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie


and before I could abbreviate the thought,
----------------

and how she said good-bye
a dozen times
before she got it right.

I thought of her on a summer night
when lampposts swirled in Van Gogh rings
against a starless sky,
-------------------------
that perfect endings
are just a matter
of knowing when to leave.

===============================


So many lines in this I liked...
love the imagery and art gallery analogy...
the "abbreviated thought" rocks!! very cool.
I like the subtleties of this one...
and of course your classic Duncan endings...yeppers... you do know about perfect endings...your style of poetry is always a lesson in the succinct, tight, contact and impact closure.


So glad to see your muse came back with ya.
Did ya see mine anywhere?


Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


10 posted 06-28-2004 08:29 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

"the ache of desire
sweet as satisfaction."

Loved that line.

I don't think there is a perfect ending for anything nor a right time to leave..at least not for everyone involved.  

Welcome home!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


11 posted 06-28-2004 09:16 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Duncan
oxymoron reads good to me. LOL A keeper.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


12 posted 06-28-2004 09:24 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Now who's impressed???

A perfect ending, indeed!
SEA
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since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


13 posted 06-28-2004 09:26 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

feelin this one.....
to the bone....
excellent write Duncan
gemjop
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since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


14 posted 06-28-2004 02:13 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

and before I could abbreviate the thought

.......

and how she said good-bye
a dozen times
before she got it right.

.......

Ahhhh I love finding little beauties like this, with so many lines to quote, because between each one, is a thousand stories.

Library, as usual.
Midnitesun
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since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


15 posted 06-28-2004 06:51 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

Hey you, I loved that abbreviated thought!
Now why didn't I think of that line? I could have used that goodie more than once.
  
Mysteria
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since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


16 posted 06-28-2004 06:58 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Sure, where where you when I needed this advise Great write Duncan, and far too true.
Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


17 posted 06-28-2004 07:32 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

love the Van-Goggles, D-man. Interesting how "up-beat" this one feels. Likin' it. (the poem, not necessarily the up-beatishness)
Tracey
Member Elite
since 08-29-2001
Posts 3003
where insanity meets breeding


18 posted 06-28-2004 10:14 PM       View Profile for Tracey   Email Tracey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tracey

I should get out here more often. I'd forgotten just how good your writing really is. As I sit here watching the election results (and my party isn't winning....yet..), you leave me pondering why some are always left wanting. Both those who are left, and those who do the leaving. Personally, I don't think it's any easier, whichever side of the leaving you're on.

and how she said good-bye
a dozen times
before she got it right.

Me, I'm giving up on hello's...that way there are no goodbye's. Gonna be a hermit on a hill (has ANYONE other than me ever seen that Monty Python sketch?????)

Okay, this hermit's going back to her school work. Glad I crawled out of the shell for this write.

(PS...betcha didn't even know we were having an election up here in the black spot didja???)

You can never win or lose
If you don't
Run the race

Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way

wranx
Member Elite
since 06-07-2002
Posts 3778
Moved from a shack to a barn


19 posted 06-28-2004 10:37 PM       View Profile for wranx   Email wranx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wranx

I read this the other day....meant to get back to it quicker, but I don't get in here much anymore.

And? It looks as if anything I would say about this little bijou has already been said.

One I'd like to have written, Duncdude
SimplyGold
Senior Member
since 07-10-2002
Posts 1459


20 posted 06-29-2004 03:19 PM       View Profile for SimplyGold   Email SimplyGold   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SimplyGold

Duncan,

What a fool I've been.. Waiting much too long to read your writing. You do not disappoint, this was simply wonderful.


SG
UniqueFreak
Member
since 01-09-2004
Posts 63
Scotland


21 posted 06-29-2004 08:30 PM       View Profile for UniqueFreak   Email UniqueFreak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for UniqueFreak

i think every ending is perfect, whats meant for you, wont pass you by...an end is always a new beginin!

enjoyed this very much!

Stephi
Greeneyes
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Member Patricius
since 09-09-2000
Posts 10848
In Your Poetic Mind


22 posted 06-29-2004 09:31 PM       View Profile for Greeneyes   Email Greeneyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Greeneyes

I poured a rum and Coke
and told myself
that perfect endings
are just a matter
of knowing when to leave'''


perfect indeed....

There's a place I like to hide-open your mind to me-Visualise your dream- Record it in the present tense, I am smiling next to you, in silent lucidity

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


23 posted 06-30-2004 04:30 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

just had to come back to this
Kevo
Member
since 06-02-2004
Posts 470
Navarro County, Texas, USA


24 posted 06-30-2004 04:41 AM       View Profile for Kevo   Email Kevo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Kevo's Home Page   View IP for Kevo

Duncan,

This poem packs a helluva' wallup!  It is such a clear message.  Reading it over a couple of times it just makes more sense to me.  I thoroughly enjoyed the storyline.  It was engaging and commanded all of my attention.  It was refreshing.  It's not often you run into a poem of this magnitude written in the manner in which you wrote it.  It read as if I was watching an old Carey Grant or Humphrey Bogart movie.  Was that the way it was intended?  Anyway, I loved it.  It's a keeper!

Your poetic friend,

Kevin  
 
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