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Open Poetry #32
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gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

0 posted 2004-06-15 09:18 AM



The last night we sat below evergreen
and you
were as high
as they

full of their everlasting green
my stare grew arms
of branches thick
and swayed
betweens the hours
of safe denial
and creeping desperation...

I wasn't what you
daydreamed into the night about anymore


And you
looking away from me
in that old special way

sent the ashes
of burnt skies
and their mountainous grey
just above evergreen

covering the stars

as if to say

'There's nothing to see here, anymore.'

© Copyright 2004 gj - All Rights Reserved
Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688
USA
1 posted 2004-06-15 09:52 AM



A sad write, gemma, but a potent one.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
2 posted 2004-06-15 10:02 AM



My dear little gemdrop, if you can write like this in your twenties, I can only imagine what you will be writing in the coming years! You are dripping with talent!

~ and if this poem is a reflection of your reality at the present time, then I am sending you an extra big, comforting hug!

Loveya!
LL

Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
3 posted 2004-06-15 10:15 AM


Sad and beautiful. This is truly inspirational writing, thank you for sharing

Andrew

Kevo
Member
since 2004-06-02
Posts 466
Navarro County, Texas, USA
4 posted 2004-06-15 10:39 AM


You write beautifully and are so incredibly talented it must flow from every pore.  I enjoy reading your work.

Kevin

Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

5 posted 2004-06-15 04:31 PM


Once again you stir the heart and soul with your beautiful words.

Eric

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
6 posted 2004-06-15 04:35 PM


I love the way you did this, with the italics. Powerful write.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
7 posted 2004-06-15 06:07 PM


"I wasn't what you
daydreamed into the night about anymore"

The ache of crystal vision...excellent poem!


Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
8 posted 2004-06-15 06:29 PM


I really liked "between the hours of safety and creeping desperation."


Corinne

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2004-07-04 12:56 PM


gawd! I LOVE your sad ones!
miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
10 posted 2004-07-04 01:41 PM


gemjop,
   I couldn't read this just once or twice.  It is lovely, especially the first part with such wonderful imagery describing the picture green.  Sad, though.  Why is timing of a romance sometimes off?  

        miscellanea

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

11 posted 2004-07-04 05:35 PM


my stare grew arms
of branches thick
and swayed
betweens the hours
of safe denial
and creeping desperation...


I absolutely love this vision.

Wonderful Gem

Mxx

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

12 posted 2004-07-06 03:05 PM


The last night we sat below evergreen
and you
were as high
as they


oh the insult of such royalty, true love sees only visions of purity.  Tremendous write.  Happy write.  Very much enjoyed.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

13 posted 2004-07-06 04:40 PM


And you
looking away from me
in that old special way

sent the ashes
of burnt skies
and their mountainous grey
just above evergreen

covering the stars

as if to say

'There's nothing to see here, anymore.'


then he is a fool dear...
for there is much to see even in those things we have seen so many times before.. those things we think we know as if they were the back of our hand still hold wonders of change.. wonders of shadow and of light.. wonders of depth and circumstance...



Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
14 posted 2007-11-11 01:00 PM


an enjoyed write

ARCTIC WIND

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